Adventures in Life

Weds, Jan 25, 2012: Frolicking Foxes and Shattering Shells

2012-01-25T18:20:00.004-07:00

With the fox experiences I've had recently, I was not surprised to encounter them once again on a blog I enjoy reading.

The artist is Kristiana Parn. Her etsy site is here. I love all of her work and the fun and whimsy she put into each piece... but I love the foxes most of all.

I still feel like they're a very strong totem animal for me.

Lately, I have been so, so happy.

For a while in my life, I felt like I was trying to squish myself into something that didn't fit. One of my favorite images for growth is a chick hatching from an egg. I felt like that chick, squished into a little shell that didn't leave me any room to expand... but I kept expanding and growing and ended up cracking myself right out of that shell. And now, there is no shell around me, and I can *feel* its lack like it's a physical presence suddenly absent from my life.

Having no shell feels free and light and panoramic.
Having no shell means I can feel the sunlight on my face again, the wind on my skin, its fingers in my hair.
That's one of my favorite feelings in the entire world.
Having no shell is dizzying in its enormity.
And every day, I feel like I'm floating, like my feet and my laughter are dancing over the earth.

I feel playful, which is perhaps one of the messages that the fox is bringing to me right now. I feel playful and light and free, and I have laughed more this past week than I think I have in the past year. Laughter comes upon me suddenly, sometimes in random places and sometimes alone, and when it bubbles up inside of me I make no effort to contain it. I don't want to contain it.

I can breathe again, and breathing is easy: so, so easy. I don't have to think about it anymore. It fills me with joy.

This is reflexive happiness.
I don't have to think about it, or try for it.
It's as easy as existing.

A while ago, my friend Andy commented on one of my posts, saying, "Just being alive makes everything better than just okay by default". While I was able to acknowledge the truth in what he was saying in my brain, I didn't feel it yet in my heart.

Now I do.
Everything is so much better than okay.
And I don't think I have the words to express how much better than okay everything is.

Tues, Jan 24, 2012: Blossoming

2012-01-24T19:13:00.006-07:00

Today, I was able to witness one small moment of an individual's personal growth. It was a painful moment, and my heart cried with her, even though I truly have no idea what it's like to be in her shoes.

Doing the work that I do is often very difficult, always interesting, and sometimes so inspiring that it changes me.

We truly are all together on this journey we call life. We all have so many lessons to learn: me, you, the kids I work with and their parents, my co-workers, my family, my friends...

I really feel like I'm learning a lot about compassion right now. I'm just a novice. But it's a lesson whose journey I am loving.

I have been wanting to get a new tattoo lately, and this message is the one that is resonating with my core. So here it is:

I wish that we can all be gentle toward each other, as we travel this journey of life together. Everyone feels pain and longing, unhappiness and sorrow, sometimes. Everyone needs a hug, sometimes. Sometimes the smallest gesture of kindness can absolutely make someone's day. Sometimes, just stepping back from our own problems and trying to understand where someone else is coming from is the greatest gift we could give.

I made several resolutions for new years (and several wishes, which I always do on special days). This one was both a resolution and a wish. I wish for us all to treat each other gently, and to treat ourselves gently. I wish that I will treat others gently, with compassion, and treat myself just as well. I think it's one of the best ways I have to honor what is beautiful in others - because there is always something beautiful there, even if what is beautiful is not obvious at the moment.

One of my favorite quotes from one of my all-time favorite books, Le Petit Prince, is, "On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux" (which for me translates to, "One doesn't see well but with the heart. The essential is invisible for the eyes"). Sometimes I think it's so easy for us as humans to pass judgment on others or to pick out what is ugly or flawed about those around us. I am just as guilty of this as anybody.

But I think when we start looking around us for what is ugly, that becomes our reality and dominates all we see. Sometimes, what is beautiful lies much deeper and takes time and patience to see - time and patience that we often feel we don't have to spare for others. But it's there, and we can see it with our hearts if our hearts are open.

The world that exists through my perspective is full of beauty so great it's almost unspeakable. I am often lost for words. I am often overwhelmed by it. I search for it in my travels and in my pictures, and in the inner monologues in my head.

I love how beautiful life is, and how beautiful we all are: flawed and searching and joyful and perfect just the way we are. I wish that we could all live with our hearts open to the beauty in ourselves and in each other.

Mon, Jan 16, 2012: Pets and Cranes

2012-01-16T17:49:00.003-07:00

I went to pick up my last batch of stuff at B's house last night. Just as we'd packed the last of it in my car, I started feeling like I was on the verge of a wave of sadness. We stood outside for a minute, then B said, "Look, there he is again." I looked, and the fox was trotting on the sidewalk, heading North and away from us. Seeing it there made my heart feel alright again.

My animal family has decreased in size, but it's still fairly sizable.

There's Kaylee, who is 1 year and 9 months old, and hasn't left my side much since we moved.

There's Severus, who is still young enough at 5 months old that I'm not sure he realizes what a massive life change he's experiencing. Then again, maybe he just has a really flexible personality. :)

And Pea (that's what I call Magnolia), 3 1/2 years old, who's taking this the hardest out of all of us I think. She buries herself in my bed for most of the day and doesn't come out much.

For some really weird reason, Severus LOVES Kaylee. She loves him too, but that's not so weird because she loves cats. He will often just plop himself right on top of her and they wrestle. I used to be really nervous that Kaylee would hurt him (she has really strong jaws, bred for nipping at cows' heels!), but she is very gentle.

Severus is so adorable. Sometimes he goes into the bedroom and cuddles with Pea when she hides under the covers. :)

I finally hung my cranes up this evening, and I'm pretty pleased with the way they look. It's nice to have them in my space again.

There is this beautiful version of "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" that was posted on a blog I sometimes visit. I listened to it on repeat as I hung my cranes and thought about the waiting place, and the slumps, and the problems I have faced, am facing, and will face.
http://blog.homemadespaceship.net/oh-the-places-youll-go-at-burning-man

One of the hardest things I think about living alone is my struggle to keep a healthy perspective on my life, and one of the things I love about this story is that it reminds me that everyone faces struggles and trials. It's a powerful truth that connects us all, and sometimes remembering that I am connected to everyone is exactly what I need.

Fri, Jan 13, 2012: And 1,000 Cranes Fit Into My Cooler

2012-01-14T10:36:00.002-07:00

I was looking over my stats the other day and noticed that I have completed 349 blog posts. That makes this one number 350! I feel an unexpected sense of pride and accomplishment that I have been living my life in a way that is interesting enough to me to find 350 things I wanted to take the time to write about. I wonder how many things I have found so interesting that I photographed them... I think too many to count. My external hard drive may be the only one who knows the answer to that question. :)

I just want to say thank you to the universe for bringing so many beautiful experiences into my life.

On Friday evening, B helped me to move a bunch of my stuff, and I am now left with only a few more things to move which I hope to take care of today. While my apartment looks like the aftermath of an explosion in a box factory, it feels wonderfully grounding to be all in one place again.

One of the last things that I did was remove my 1,000 cranes from the ceiling of the office room that I used as my space. I forgot that I'd asked B not to move them, but looking back I'm glad I was the one to do it. Energetically, it really felt like I was removing myself and my hopes and dreams from that space, and bringing all of those wonderful things to my new home with me. It felt like I reclaimed them from his space, which helps to make me feel whole and complete inside.

The cranes, on their strings, flowed like water to the bottom of the cooler where I packed them. It was really beautiful to watch them, and to hear the soft rustling sounds of paper wings brushing against paper wings. They flowed and flowed, landing alongside and on top of each other, all of the energy and dreams and hopes and wishes that I poured into them resting nestled together like brightly colored jewels. This is my energetic treasure chest.

I turned to B and said, "And 1,000 cranes fit into my cooler." They fit perfectly. And it made me feel complete.

I can't wait to hang them up here, in my new living room. I want to see them streaming in through the big sliding glass door that graces one whole wall of the space. I want to see them soaring and swooping among the rafters, and gliding along the bricks of my Lego wall. But most of all, I want to feel their beautiful energy, and the hope that they represent, and I want to be swept along with them toward the dreams I whispered in their ears.

Tues, Jan 10, 2012: Fox Magic

2012-01-11T08:33:00.008-07:00

Last night, B and I broke up.

Just after we made that decision (literally, almost immediately afterwards), a red fox came into sight down the block, in the direction where I was looking. I stood there for a moment, not believing what I saw, then pointed it out and we both silently watched it trot past. It turned its head to watch us, then turned as it neared the end of the block and disappeared onto the playground.

In the time I have spent living in that neighborhood, I haven't seen a single fox, ever.

Among the many symbolic meanings of a fox, one is that it signals the patterns of the world are shifting in a beneficial way... that the process of creation is beginning (from Animal Speak by Ted Andrews, one of my favorite resource books!). A fox is one of my personal totem animals, so I feel pretty connected to this message.

This morning, I am deeply grateful to the universe for this message and its beautiful timing.

All along, I keep telling myself that everything is ok, that everything will be ok. Last night, when I saw that fox, I finally believed myself for the first time in a very long time. I finally *feel* like everything is ok. And, perhaps more importantly, I remember at many points in my life telling myself that life gets better, always, and someday it will be better than I ever imagined was possible, and I will look back at everything that has happened to me and feel content because it brought me to a joyful place. Not only did the fox help me to remember this, it also helped me to believe this again.

We have been struggling for so long, I feel like I have been mourning the relationship for a very long time now. Soon, I know that I will be ready to embrace the happiness that has eluded me lately. I want it, I deserve it, and it's a gift I feel I am finally ready to start giving myself again. I hope that I make choices in my life that are in harmony with the desires in my heart, because if I do this I think happiness will be easy to find.

One interesting thing that I have recognized lately is that I think I might finally be ready to be in a relationship. It's taken a really, really (reeeeeally...) long time, but I think I finally value the people in my life, cooperation, and relationships over solitude and independence. This doesn't mean that I have plans to start being dependent on everybody. :) It just means I finally feel like it's *worth* it... and I want it. Previously, I have usually been fine with being single. Now, it actually makes me a little sad. And the fact that it makes me sad makes me feel like perhaps I'm finally ready to not be single. I look forward to what the universe has in store for me. :)

Tues, Jan 10, 2012: 4:15 A.M. Alarm Clock Guy

2012-01-11T08:18:00.002-07:00

The second installment of my "I just moved" adventures. :)

At 4:15a.m. on Tuesday morning, I heard the harsh beeping sound of the neighbor's alarm clock, over and over again, for what seemed like forever until he got up to turn it off. I felt sad for him, having to get up that early, and rolled over to drift back off to sleep.

9 minutes later, the alarm went off again... and again 9 minutes after that... and again... for a total of 8 times that morning over the course of more than an hour, until he finally got up at 5:24a.m.

Yikes... it was not a good morning. :( The alarm made me restless, and Pea picked up on that feeling again and started wandering around the house, yowling for everybody. I was so horribly frustrated by the time I woke up that I had a great deal of difficulty having a positive attitude that day.

I wrote a note and hung one on each of my neighbor's doors, hoping that it was friendly and humorous enough to convince 4:15a.m. alarm guy to mend his ways.

And this morning (Wednesday)... I woke up for the first time at 5:35, when my own alarm clock went off quietly next to my head. I'm so grateful to 4:15a.m. alarm guy that I'm going to write him a thank you note today! :)

Sun, Jan 8, 2012: Deflated...

2012-01-11T08:12:00.000-07:00

I am writing this retroactively, looking back to Sunday. Still don't have internet... :)

Saturday night was my first night living in my new apartment. I packed up the animals on Saturday afternoon, which made everything feel really final. I inflated the air mattress (luckily it came with a hand pump!) and made it up rather nicely to look like a comfy bed.

It acted like a comfy bed too, and I was able to drift off into wonderful sleep... until I rolled over at about 2am and found that my hips were resting on the floor. I was restless for the remainder of the night, despite trying as hard as I could to ignore the fact that I was basically sleeping on the floor. My animals were restless too, and confused as to why we were sleeping in this strange place, on this strange deflated air mattress, without B and Chloe and Valentine (his cat and dog). Pea, who is good buddies with Chloe, chose this time to start wandering the house and yowling for her. It was heartbreaking.

On Sunday morning, I woke up less than refreshed but was determined to be optimistic. I did an ok job of it too, until I started looking around for the animals and realized that Pea was missing. This would not be the first time she went missing, and I was horrified that I was careless enough to let her get away again.

After about 90 minutes of searching for her, both around my apartment complex and within my apartment, I finally located her hiding underneath the deflated air mattress. I think she was so terrified and overwhelmed and horribly sad that she just couldn't handle being out in the world that morning. We were both deflated.

Tues, Jan 3, 2012: My Door Faces North

2012-01-03T17:54:00.001-07:00

I am in the process of moving, in the hopes that a bit of space between B and I will help us to resolve things, however they need to be resolved so that we can both be happy with our lives. All I know is, I've felt for a long time like I can't breathe, like I've been struggling not to drown and not doing a very good job of it.

Now, I feel like I have broken through the surface of the water and am gasping for air. The breathing hurts, but the pain lets me know that I am still alive, and alive is a feeling I have not had the pleasure of experiencing in way too long. So I'll take the pain, because it feels good to have the air on my wet skin again, and the sun shining down on me so hard that I have to squint to filter out some of its brilliance, and I can feel the waves and currents of the water tugging at my limbs, deliciously inviting me on to adventures I never imagined.

Everything is okay.

I spent today moving the first of my things into my place, and felt so terribly disoriented in space that I really didn't know if I was strong enough to do this. So, I intentionally inserted my voice into the wild whirring of my busy mind, and said to myself, "My door faces North."

And somehow, that was all it took to make me feel grounded and make me feel okay.

My door faces North. My windows face West, toward the beautiful mountains and the sunset. The sunset light filters through a pine tree outside my bedroom and paints my bedroom wall with an intricate lace of sunlight and tree shadows. I have a fireplace, a balcony, and a really fun exposed brick wall that makes the living room feel like it's half made of Legos.

My door faces North... and I'm happy to be breathing again.

Thurs, Dec 29, 2011: Lessons of a Turtle

2011-12-29T19:07:00.003-07:00

One of my gifts from my sister this Christmas is a small book called "Lessons of a Turtle" by a woman named Sandy Gingras (who may or may not be related to us?). It's one of those little life wisdom books, and it really resonates with me right now.

I want to turn the images from several of the pages into decorations, to surround myself with someone else's wise words because I feel like I don't have many wise things to say at the moment. This message is particularly powerful for me right now:

The turtle is another archetypical symbol for my zodiac sign (cancer), and I have fun imagining myself as the little turtle in the book.

Sometimes, I have the odd feeling that I am still the child I was many years ago in the body of a woman I don't remember becoming. I feel particularly lost and scared right now. I certainly don't have all the answers, but I know I have gained at least some wisdom from my experiences through the years. That wisdom is failing me now, but I know that it will come back to me when I'm ready for it.

Now, it's time to stick my neck out. I'm ready to move forward.

Weds, Dec 28, 2011: Colebrook Reservoir

2011-12-29T08:15:00.002-07:00

This was the only day of my trip when I didn't have anything planned. It's really strange to have unplanned days here, though that used to be the normal rhythm of my life in New England.

Colebrook Reservoir out on Route 8 always calls to me, so I paid it a visit despite skies that threatened snow.

The snow mixed in the distance with foggy clouds nestled between the hills around me.

This is so New England to me: moss and ice dripping from slate gray rocks.

I love having time alone to lose myself in the land out here, and the opportunities are so seldom that I cherish them when they present themselves to me. Honestly, my heart is warmed by all of the people out here who still want to share their time with me, so I don't mind that I have little time to spend with the land. :)

Weds, Dec 28, 2011: Looking Back Through Notes...

2011-12-28T10:55:00.002-07:00

I am going to be experiencing some pretty massive life changes when I return to Colorado, I think. I'm in a phase right now where I'm taking stock of my life as it is right now, and for whatever reason decided that going through my pages on social networking sites is part of that. I found a "note" that I wrote almost 3 years ago that still resonates with me and wanted to share it here.

Me from 3 years ago: I love you. :)

25 Things

by Kristine Gingras on Monday, January 19, 2009 at 10:14pm

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

Ok, here goes:

1. Behind the house where I grew up was an old dump. I used to love digging through the leaves and uncovering bottles, cans, doll heads... ok, the doll head was pretty creepy... and used to wonder about the history of the object - who used it, was it loved, and how did it end up in my back yard?

2. I was that kid who couldn't keep her hands out of her desk.

3. I love to read, and I love keeping books that move me so that I have easy access to their lessons when needed. One of my favorite dreams as a kid was to have a multi-story tower library with stained glass windows and an observatory up top (who am I kidding, that's still my dream...).

4. I usually tell myself that I like my career choice because it affords me free summers in which to travel. Lately I recognize that all I want to do is travel....

5. I tend to be pretty shy and don't let many people see below my exterior.

6. Jack of all trades, master of none. It's frustrating to have just enough natural talent for something to see the massive difference between myself and someone who is gifted at that thing. I could mention my complete lack of discipline here, but why go there? ....

7. Right now, I want a bike more than any other material possession.

8. I lived in a tent for 6 months... twice. :) Once you experience that, it's really hard to come back to the "real world".

9. My grossest moment happened while camping... I put on my Tevas one morning, failing to notice the multitude of slugs who nested inside of them during the night....

10. I love rocks, especially ones that I find beautiful or that feel good to hold.

11. I miss the ocean more than I ever imagined was possible.

12. Growing up, I was always a little envious of my sister for being the "cool" one.

13. I love all 4 seasons but don't like being cold.

14. I admire people who live "outside the box" in order to follow their hearts.

15. I was once almost trampled by a herd of deer in the woods.

16. My sister was the unfortunate victim of most of the schemes and inventions I cooked up as a child, though this wasn't my intent. I do have to say though that swinging on grapevines kicked butt, and she never got hurt from doing that!

17. I love creating things, manifesting pieces of my insides into the physical world.

18. I have worked as a dish washer, a sales clerk in an apple orchard, a college librarian, filer/mailer/collator extraordinaire, a sales clerk in a bead store, a self-employed maker of jewelry, a sales and catering assistant, a movie theater robot, a sales clerk in a lawn and garden store, an insurance company robot, a tutor for low-income students, a school psychology practicum student, a school psychology internship student, an ice cream scooper, a school psychologist....

19. I have always liked green and blue, but lately I find myself drawn to orange and purple (and wonder what that means about me).

20. Both houses that I lived in growing up had the address "26"

21. Sometimes I wonder where along the way I lost my intelligence....

22. Holding a tiny zebra finch baby made me lose my breath and cry in the same moment.

23. I think it would be the coolest thing in the world if I could be a writer.

24. I love things that hang down from the ceiling - mobiles, icicles, lamps, tree branches, whatever. And by ceiling I mean the upper level of whatever space you are occupying, be it a room, cave, tree, etc.

25. I would love to live in a tree house or house that somehow incorporates trees.

Tues, Dec 27, 2011: Wandering in the Berkshires

2011-12-27T15:02:00.001-07:00

My father and I headed out to Western Massachusetts today with the intention to hike among some old growth trees (older than 150 years) located in a remote little park in the Berkshires. It ended up being pretty cold and overcast, and I was enjoying the car ride much more than the idea of hiking, so wasn't too disappointed when we discovered that the park was closed due to some massive road damage and flooding that occurred during the hurricane this fall.

We decided to reschedule for this summer, when my dog could join us too!

I requested a drive down into North Adams, MA and Route 7. Luckily, my father likes driving too and was up for a road trip.

The Berkshires are so different from the mountains in Colorado... old and softened by the relentless wear of weather and time. The power of water to shape rocks will always be amazing to me.

There is this CRAZY "hairpin turn" as Route 2 descends into North Adams, with a beautiful view of the valley and Mt. Greylock (the highest peak in Mass, located at the left side of this picture).

North Adams is such a cute town. The downtown area is beautiful and pretty well maintained.

We continued winding through the hills and countryside, into the wind and rain storm that was slowly sweeping across the state from west to east.

The sound of raindrops on a windshield is a symphony that I haven't been able to listen to for a long time.

Turkeys in someone's front yard:

The rain accompanied me through the rest of the day, and lulled me to sleep that night. Maybe I'm strange, but I like overcast days and days where the world is so gloomy it asks you to shine brighter inside of yourself. Home feels warmer and more comfortable, whether "home" means the actual house or the inside of one's soul.

Mon, Dec 26, 2011: Little Old Factory Towns, How I Miss You...

2011-12-27T14:24:00.001-07:00

It's kind of strange hanging out with my family when I come back to Connecticut, because we always seem to feel like we need to find something to do or somewhere to travel. I guess if we didn't, we would probably just sit around for a few hours staring at each other. Not sure that sounds like as much fun as a good day trip. :)

My sister and I adventured up to Northampton, Massachusetts yesterday so I could get my fill of old factory towns while I'm out here.

I love Northampton and it's always fun to revisit somewhere I used to live. (I think I lived there in 2002? Wow... it seems like it was just yesterday but it's almost been 10 years).

I think my whole family loves this old building, and I'm not sure any of us has ever figured out what it used to be, or what it is now. I think it might be offices...?

I love churches in New England. They are the closest things to castles that we have out here.

Main Street in Northampton! One of my favorite things about the town is that people actually stop for pedestrians in the crosswalk. It's a pretty amazing feeling to be a helpless pedestrian facing off against a car and actually win, without a fight.

Random doorway.

We walked to the Arboretum at Smith College, only to find out it was closed until after New Year's due to the school break. I was disappointed that my sister couldn't see the greenhouses, but the grounds were still beautiful and she was just as enchanted by the weeping elm tree as I am.

The greenhouses, closed for business.

This little black cat followed us from a bit up the road, then circled around to the pond and met us there. He reminded me of Severus, and I thought to myself for the 1,000th time how much I miss my animals!

The greenhouses, full of beautiful life that we couldn't see.

There was a willow near the pond, adorned with ovals of luminous fuzzy silver in the late afternoon winter light.

I love that there are places in the world that feel as good as Northampton feels to me. And that's only one definition of "home". Imagine how blissful it must feel when multiple definitions of "home" intersect!

Fri, Dec 23, 2011: Mystic Seaport

2011-12-24T08:42:00.007-07:00

My parents and I tossed around a few ideas of places to go this week while I'm out here, and we settled on visiting Mystic Seaport first.

The seaport is actually not as old as I imagined it would be, and experienced its biggest growth during the second half of the 1800's. It was neat visiting this little town right on the port. We went into many of the buildings and learned about what life was like back then, and even though it sounded a lot more difficult and less convenient in many ways, I think some parts of it sound preferable.

There was a cold, brisk ocean breeze that twirled my hair in its fingers, and brought with it the smell of the sea.

We entered one massive, long building that was the place where ropes were made. The ropes were actually twisted to the entire length of the building. At the end, we were able to see the coiled piles of ropes resting on themselves like spiraled serpents.

There were several ships in the port, and we were able to board one of them.

I love ships. I love the sound of the ocean lapping up against the vessel, and the vertigo that comes every time I look up one of the tall, sturdy masts and see it gently swaying against a background of clouds and sky.

We headed into downtown Mystic next, and my father pointed out the drawbridge over the Mystic River. Here is the bridge keeper's house:

Could you guess that I would love to live there? :)

Fri, Dec 23, 201: There Is So Much I Don't Understand

2011-12-23T20:55:00.000-07:00

Being at my parents' house, the house where I lived since I was 2 years old, always makes me feel pretty reflective on my life. It's one of the few places that I consistently cycle back to, and I'm often asking myself how I have grown or how my life has changed since the last time I was here.

B and I are going through some hard times right now, and have been for a while. Here, I look around at my parents, my sister and her husband, and even random couples walking around... and all I can think is, "what am I doing wrong?"

Which lead me to the realization that there is so much I don't understand. This is not the first time I have realized this, and I'm sure it won't be the last. I'm glad that there are so many things for me to learn, because learning is what makes life interesting. I'm just not sure how other people seem to be so good at things that elude me.

Thurs, Dec 22, 2011: Across the Country in 8 Hours

2011-12-22T20:01:00.003-07:00

I traveled back to Connecticut via airplane this year. I usually prefer driving, especially since it enables me to bring my dog along, but this year I'm pretty grateful that I let somebody else deal with the 8" of snow that were dumped on the Denver area overnight!

Miraculously, the plane had an on time departure this morning. I was shocked!

I had a layover in Pittsburgh, where it was raining a steady, slow-paced rain that turned the ground into a shimmering mirror across which brilliant reflections of lights streaked and danced. I just sat there as the plane got ready to take off and probably had my mouth hanging open as I rediscovered this forgotten beauty in the universe. How could I forget the multiplicative properties of the rain on light? The lights of the runways and homes and the headlights of cars, and even the Christmas lights decorating homes... they all reflected off the wet, mirrored ground and diffused into the air and across the earth to illuminate one of the darkest nights of the year. I feel like this solstice, I have been noticing lights more than I ever have before, and the sight of them touches me and gives me hope.

I now sit in my childhood bedroom, the place that has watched so many of my memories and listened to all of the secrets that I whispered to its walls. I think this room knows me better than anybody, and I still feel welcome here. When I visited my friends in Ottawa this summer, they told me that I seemed to feel like I wasn't welcome. They were right, and feeling welcome has always been a struggle for me. I think I'm getting a little better at this though, and it does feel pretty excellent to feel welcomed... even if it's just by my old bedroom. :)

Weds, Dec 21, 2011: Happy Winter Solstice!

2011-12-21T15:10:00.009-07:00

I wish everyone a beautiful and uplifting holiday. :)

Winter Solstice is one of my favorite times of the year. It's a day of death and rebirth, and feels like the true "new year" to me. From this point forward, the darkness will be driven steadily back, a few minutes a day, by a resilient sun who never really left us.

I like to think that, at any point in time, any one of us can "rebirth" ourselves by intentionally overcoming old habits or ways of thinking or being that no longer serve us. It's always easier to engage in this type of thinking when we are reminded to, rather than constantly reminding ourselves, and for a lot of people I think that reminder is New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. For me, that day is the Winter Solstice. I look at the time of year between now and the Summer Solstice as a time of reflection and, in the spring, of triumphant growth and blossoming and the ripe promise of potential held within all of us. (The period between Summer Solstice and Winter Solstice, for me, is a time of the manifestation of that potential, as well as appreciating all that we have brought into our lives that helps us to be healthy and happy).

Life has been strange lately, and I often feel like I am floating somewhere outside of my body just watching my life unfold before me as if it's a strange performance. I told a friend that I've been trying not to think about my life much lately, for fear of over-thinking things. His response? "You know, I have a word for people like that: drones."

Ugh... is that what I have become? I felt a good amount of disgust with myself.

Then I remembered that one of my wishes for myself is that I treat myself kindly, with acceptance and patience, and am working to diminish the ugly judgment that "disgust" places on me.

Paulo Coehlo, author of The Alchemist and many other works, recently posted this on his blog. (http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/12/12/rose/). He attributes the text to W. Timothy Gallway, and states that he found it in a newspaper.

“When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice it is small, but we do not criticize it as “rootless and stemless.”
‘We treat it as a seed, giving it the water and nourishment required of a seed.

“When it first shoots up out of the earth, we don’t condemn it as immature and underdeveloped, nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear.
‘We stand in wonder at the process taking place, and give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its development.

“The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential.
‘It seems to be constantly in the process of change: Yet at each state, at each moment, it is perfectly all right as it is.

“A flower is not better when it blooms than when it is merely a bud; at each stage it is the same thing — a flower in the process of expressing its potential.”

This continues to resonate with me, and I am working to remind myself that at all times, I am a soul in the process of expressing my potential.

At this time of the year, I often remind myself that after the darkness comes the light, and the light always returns eventually. I think I have more difficulty understanding that the light is always and has always been there, and sometimes I get so tangled up in myself that I miss the opportunity to revel in its warmth and beauty. This season, I am working to remind myself, with kindness and patience and acceptance of where I am, that the sun is always shining down on me, that happiness is already blossoming in my heart, and that a feeling of connectedness is just waiting for me to become aware that it's always been there.

Sat, Dec 10, 2011: Botanic Gardens Lights

2011-12-19T18:06:00.011-07:00

Coloradans do some pretty neat stuff in the winter. :) Both the zoo and the botanic gardens decorate with lights and offer tours through the place at night. B and I decided to head to the botanic gardens light show, as I have visited there less recently. It was freezing cold, but so worth it! (If you ever go, wear at least 2 pairs of warm socks!).

There was a thin covering of snow still lingering on the ground, and the lights washed over it in bright watercolors.
B purchased a pair of "glasses" which claimed to make the lights look even more amazing. I didn't believe it was possible so I passed on them. He put them on and noticed that they made the lights blurry... then noticed that they created stars around every light!
They were so cool! We passed them back and forth for the rest of the tour.
These trees just look so festive to me. :)
I loved the look of this feathery grass, all delicately lit up by ambient little lights. The wall of a canal-like water feature was decorated with these snowflakes.
This hillside was the strangest, most randomly fun decoration in the entire park. (Well, it tied with the green laser grid that we came across later on our walk!)
I love, love, love this grass.
I think the sight of these apartments is so strange from the middle of this botanic oasis in the city... but decorated and all lit up, they seemed to blend in much more than during the day. :)
There were little balls of light adorning the pines at one point during the walk.
The watery area was beautiful, and I loved the gently dancing reflections of light.
There were signs warning people not to walk on the Monet Pond... though we noticed footprints trekking across the ice!

I'm not one for big, commercial holiday events, but there is something magical about lights around the time of the winter solstice. They are like a beacon reminding us that, despite this being the darkest time of the year, the light will always return again.

Tues, Dec 6, 2011: Revisiting Collegiate Peaks Panoramas

2011-12-06T17:07:00.007-07:00

As you know, I don't usually dig through old pictures...

...however...

...I came across these photos again while working on Christmas gifts for my family and friends, and couldn't pass up the opportunity to give them the treatment they deserve.

Actually, I still don't think my skills are good enough to treat them the way they deserve. But they are a heck of a lot better than they were 3 years ago when I took these photos.

The original post for this trip can be found here. This is the vastness that I wished to share with you back then.

This remains one of my favorite sunset experiences of all time. :) I'm grateful to have improved enough to do them greater justice!

Sun, Nov 13, 2011: Prairie Day - North Sterling Reservoir and Chalk Bluffs

2011-11-16T06:34:00.005-07:00

(There has been a lot going on in my personal life these past few weeks. I don't think I realized how long it had been since I visited my own blog until just a few days ago, when it occurred to me that my prairie pictures were still sitting in my Photos folder, waiting to be edited. The prairie in November is one of my favorite places in the world, I think, and I feel sad for allowing these pictures to remain static for so long. I think they forgive me though, and looking at them now brings back that windy, beautiful day spent traveling across the flat grasslands.)

My inspiration carried me away to North Sterling Reservoir in northeastern Colorado, by way of multiple back roads that shot straight as arrows across the vast flat countryside that makes up about half of Colorado.

These railroad bridges were a pretty common sight, and I loved their randomness, bridging two pieces of flat land within a flat landscape.

Infinite telephone poles, one of my favorite sights in the prairie. :)

I passed this beautiful little home in the middle of a slightly hilly area, and was captured by the beauty of the landscape. Only when I focused on the house with my lens did I realize that it was in a complete state of disrepair, with missing windows like gaped teeth along its facade.
As I drove farther North, a cold wind blew harder against my car, whipping the trees and grasses into a furious dance.
I love seeing the patchwork patterns of the prairie at ground level. There is something amazing about coming to the threshold of a new color of land, and realizing that is what we see when we fly over the midwest.
Hay rolls... another of my prairie favorites.
North Sterling Reservoir was beautiful, abandoned, and cold.
The light brought glory to the earth. That's really the only word I could use to describe it: glory. The clouds traced bold patterns across the sky as the light was shattered by the wind, breaking into a million sparkling shards that twinkled brilliantly as they rose and fell on currents of air.
I love the remains of vibrant summer plants. For some reason, they just say "November" to me.
Especially the remains of sunflowers... still so beautiful, somehow reminiscent of swirling fractals and brilliant silky petals.
I realized as I approached the reservoir that I have been here before, or very close to here, when I visited the Pawnee National Grasslands! I recognized these beautiful white cliffs off in the distance with massive white windmills perched atop their crowns. I hopped into my car and drove toward them, hoping to find some route into their heart.

Crossroads: County Routes 33 and 56. I love the prairie. LOVE it. I feel this land in my heart, like I'm plugged into the earth.
The Chalk Bluffs, from a distance. I still craved a closer view.
I love the look of this carefully combed field, with grass growing nestled in the furrows.
Again, the light: glory.
I headed up to County Route 70, as it looked like it crossed right over the bluffs based on my map. CR 70, you did not disappoint.
One of my favorite things about the prairie is all of the amazing secrets the land holds, if one simply takes the time and effort to find them. I think it takes a lot of patience, determination, and a good dose of intuition, but in the end it's always well worth the effort.
This is the strangest thing I saw on my trip: some metal circle with bullet holes in it? What is it?
The prairie makes me feel brave and strong, it reinforces my independence and fills me with hope and beauty. I love that even during the barren times of the year, the prairie is still so ripe with the promise of life. It can never be contained. Hibernation feels like a choice there, where the land is strong enough to bide her time, waiting for the day when she is watered by the rain and warmed by the sun and ready to ripen once again.

Sat, Nov 12, 2011: A Destination

2011-11-12T12:10:00.006-07:00

I have a destination in mind. A random, intuitive destination that my mind chose for me as my eyes ran over the lines and curves of a map of Colorado. It feels like it has been a long, long time since I chose to have a journey in this way, and I am filled with the excitement of it. My brain feels clear and sparkling, and I can almost smell what I imagine the air will smell like there.

This feels different than trips that I have taken lately, which all seem to have an ultimate purpose attached to them. I miss taking trips whose sole goal is to plug me in to the earth, to have a sensual experience that wakes up every cell in my body. I miss contemplating the smells of a new place. I miss the way that new rocks and grasses that I have never seen before feel under my feet. I miss being enchanted by the feeling of the wind across my skin, running its fingers through my hair. I miss my eyes being bombarded by clear, clean light and colors.

Lately when I travel, it seems that I am traveling to get away. It feels so refreshing to once again feel the desire to travel for the sake of having an experience. When I try to direct myself and my life where I think we should go, it seems I always just end up getting in my own way and tripping over my own self. When I travel, I try to do as little directing as possible. It's these times when I feel most at harmony with myself and my life and my experiences, and with the universe and the intricate webs of the lives of all the people around me. I could take this trip today if I wanted to, but I'm choosing to hold off until tomorrow because the feeling of anticipation is so delicious....

I feel like I am a pen that I have been banging and scribbling against untouched paper, my ink refusing to flow no matter how hard I try. I'm tired of being banged around. I'm ready to start flowing....

Weds, Nov 2, 2011: Snow and Severus

2011-11-02T09:17:00.003-06:00

We had our first snowstorm of the season (even though it was still 2 months away from being winter...) on October 26th.

There is a Siberian Elm tree in the backyard that looks and feels to me like a fairy who decided to be reincarnated as a tree. It's the Fairy Elm and I love it, and she looked even more fairy-like with whisps of snow gently cascading from her branches as gentle breezes blew through her still-leafy crown.

Kaylee LOVES snow.
(She also stinks at finding sticks and tennis balls in the snow!)

These pictures were taken on the 27th, when the clouds had blown far away and the world was saturated with the peace that comes after a storm.
Looks refreshing, no? :)
Two days before, it was 80 degrees out and I regretted wearing long pants rather than shorts. After the storm, it was warm again, but not as warm as before... and I felt sad that our autumn season had been cut short so abruptly.

Today, November 2nd, it snowed again, and something completely unexpected happened: they cancelled school. School is so rarely cancelled in Colorado that I was shocked, and checked like 10 websites just to make sure it was true. We have gotten about 5-6 inches already and it's still snowing as of this writing (9:25am). I think school is rarely cancelled because it's so flat here, and the snow is so fluffy that it usually just blows right off the roads. I'm wondering if the Givers of Snow Days finally realized that not everyone in Colorado has a truck/suv, or if the storm was must worse in the district where I work. Either way, YAY SNOW DAY!!! :)

* * * * *

On the morning of October 30th, at around 10am, I received a gut-punch from the universe that was accompanied by the words "it's time to go out to get a black kitten today". B and I have been talking for a while about getting a boy kitten so that he's not the only male in the house, but it wasn't something we had pursued yet. I had been thinking for a couple of days that it would be amazing to get a black kitten for Halloween, so over the course of the morning convinced B that we should go to the Dumb Friends' League... just to look.

He, of course, knew that we weren't going to "just look". :) When we walked by one room, there was a kitten in there by himself: a little black male kitten who was fast asleep. He was the one. I looked at B and said "Awwww he needs a family... we could name him Severus?"

After walking around and looking at all of the other animals, we went back and adopted him. And named him Severus.

He has a cat cold, so he's being quarantined from the rest of our pets right now, which is kind of nice because he's getting to know us without being bombarded by 4 curious, furry noses in his face.

B said that Severus did an "Accio, parents!" spell on us. I'm glad he wanted to join our family. :)

Sat, Oct 1, 2011: The Bells, Flying Solo

2011-10-27T10:33:00.007-06:00

Today, I am finally in a peaceful enough state of mind to go through my pictures with a feeling of joy and excitement.

Kaylee and I woke up even earlier on the morning of October 1st than we had the previous weekend, and headed down to the lake. I learned that there is a certain "sweet spot" along the lake where the most photographers crowd in, and I was able to plant myself right along the edge of that spot. I was so happy. :)

Before the sun rose, the lake was as still and silent as the earth itself.

I messed around with some exposures and made this HDR shot, which looks to me like Maroon Bells in Wonderland. :)
I think that morning, the sunrise flowed in to the valley on the light, strong breeze that showed up the instant that the sunlight began its soft descent down the peaks.
Once again, the earth took my breath away.
The breeze ruffled the stillness of the water, but I liked it because it seemed to be painting a picture with the light and mountains.

Kaylee was the perfect dog for the entire morning. This time, she wore a little dog coat that I bought for her. I have always told myself that I would NOT be one of those people who buys clothes for their dogs, but the previous weekend she had been so cold that buying her some sort of coat seemed the only reasonable thing to do. She lay on the ground, gnawing on a giant rawhide, for about 2 hours without a single complaint or incident. Many of the photographers actually came over to us and took a picture of her. :)

The lake was, of course, absolutely packed.

Kaylee and I walked around the lake, taking in the colors and the novelty of fresh, cold autumn morning air.
The earth was so beautiful as the fingers of sunlight danced over her.
The colors became so rich and deep as areas of the valley flooded with morning light.

Kaylee in her jacket.
I experimented with my shutter speed to see if I could get the light of the aspens right. I don't think I got it quite right yet, but I know I will someday. :)

Wow...
I love when the earth is so beautiful that it makes my heart hurt.

I wasn't sure if this was a beaver dam, since there was no flowing water to dam up right in this spot, but it seems like more than just a random pile of sticks to me!

The colors were other-worldly:

The aspens beckoned me back down the road, warming my heart and soul with their rich golden leaves.
Independence Pass was much more colorful this weekend, though still fairly green!
I wish that all people on this earth can experience such beauty.

Sat, Oct 1, 2011: The Bells, Flying Solo: Update

2011-10-20T06:27:00.004-06:00

Life has been rushing past me this month with a speed that makes me out of breath and dizzy in my efforts to keep up with it. Friday (tomorrow) ends my 3 weeks of complete insanity, which have been stuffed with meetings and reports and crises at work, and one activity after the next at home, almost every night.

A friend once explained to me his perception of the difference between an introverted and extroverted person's regeneration of personal energy. His explanation rang true for me with a little kick in the gut (that intuitive feeling that you get when something is true). He said that extroverted people find it energizing to be around people and they regenerate their energy while around people. Introverted people, counter to this, are energized and regenerate their energy when they are alone and feel their energy drained when they are around other people. I am definitely a person who regenerates my energy and is able to relax when I am alone... a state which has been difficult to find much time for this month.

Usually I can hang in there pretty well with things being fairly busy, but this month has been way too much to handle. I absolutely cannot wait to get some down time and relax. Fall Break for my schools is next week: a whole week of peace and adventure, and finally some time and energy to edit and post my second round of Maroon Bells pictures. The thought of this week on the horizon has kept me going for a long time, and now that it's finally here I'm so relieved. I can't wait to have some fun. :)

Sat, Sept 24, 2011: Maroon Bells, Part 4

2011-10-16T11:40:00.008-06:00

Wow... I think this string of posts have become the most epic posts I've ever done about one overnight trip! :)

I was relaxed and refreshed after my nap as B drove us back down Frying Pan Road and onto Route 82, Independence Pass. The leaves were in various stages of shifting from rich summer green to brilliant autumn gold, and I loved both of those and every color in between.

In some places, Independence Pass is a crazy road! You can just see it in the picture below, clinging to the hillside:
As is typical in the mountains where pines dominate (rather than aspens), the ground cover was bright and colorful and stood out against the soft yellows of the grasses and dark strong greens of the pines.

Independence Pass is named for the small ghost town of Independence. We passed this building just before Independence. It looked like maybe at one time it was some sort of mill or mining building (?).

This little valley is so beautiful. I could easily imagine myself living there as a pioneer... though I'm sure the winters were very harsh and long.
We parked near Independence, which I have never visited despite traveling across the pass several times before.

Most of the cabins appeared to be in original, run-down condition, though some were at least somewhat fixed-up. I loved the views through the doors and windows of the homes.
One had this little outhouse behind it:

The neighbors had a lovely view of the outhouse:

The earth was stunning for me that day.

I tend to think of myself as a person who searches for and finds beauty in many places, but I do feel fortunate (so fortunate) to live in a place where the beauty is so simply obvious that it hits me with a force that knocks the wind out of my soul.
The dogs were so good for the entire trip.
The water flowing on the eastern side of Independence Pass reminded me of the color of the Crystal River when we visited Old Crystal Mill, and I wondered if they come from the same source.
Along the pass is a wonderful farm that looked vibrant and alive against the bright aspens.

There was a lot of cloud play in the sky when we reached the Twin Lakes outside of Leadville, which made for some amazing shadows and sunbeams that rolled across the mountains and water.

I... love... this... place.
We headed back up to the highway to make our way home, and passed this hideous strip mine. I really don't enjoy ending my posts about this beautiful trip with something so sad to me, but I feel like it's really important to share. One of the ways that companies extract materials from the ground is by strip mining entire mountains. Eventually, they mine the whole mountain away so that there is nothing left. They literally level the mountain. That is in the process of happening in this picture.
I know that I use products that utilize materials obtained in this way, and it makes me really sad that I contribute to the destruction of this beautiful land. I also recognize that I use many other things that hurt the earth (such as driving my car all over the place and using gas). I don't think I'm even educated enough about any of these things to know exactly the extent to which I harm her. Seeing this mine though, right in my face, allowed me to view some pretty immediate consequences of our lifestyles. I hope with all of my heart that our society will experience a shift in production that allows us to create products in a way that also respects the earth.

Sat, Sept 24, 2011: Maroon Bells, Part 3

2011-10-09T08:37:00.005-06:00

It's taken me soooo long to do these posts - I've been held up with a cold for about a week now, but it's not only that. I really think that the areas around Aspen are some of the most colorful, most beautiful places I have ever seen in my life. It's somewhat time-consuming to go through pictures of this area because I take a LOT of them, and I love them all! :)

In the parking lot, we took out my atlas of Colorado and decided to try heading home via Frying Pan Road, a road that I discovered on Google Maps years ago but have never taken. B stopped by the ranger station to see if it was a 4wd road passable by car or if it truly requires 4wd... and the ranger replied that, because of some serious runoff this year, it would not be passable by car. We decided to head up anyways and go as far as we could, since most of the road appeared to be either paved or car-appropriate dirt.

The foothills around Aspen were alight with beautiful bronze-tinted colors, and looked to me like someone had painted the smudges of color on with their fingers.

The town of Basalt lays at the base of Frying Pan Road, and was so cute. It looks like a restored old mining town, and I wondered what it must have been like to live there a hundred years ago. Just up the road past the downtown area, the landscape became immediately dramatic:
This reminded me of a small-scale version of Capital Reef National Park.
The road is named after Frying Pan River, which was news to me. I imagined that it got its name from the expression "out of the frying pan and into the fire", which I figured indicated what a crazy-amazing road it was. Despite the name coming from a different source of inspiration, it was still crazy-amazing!
Driving past a barrier of pine trees bordering some land, my brain pieced together something wonderful through the tiny spaces of light visible through the dark pine branches. We got out of the car to investigate.

It looked like some kind of private swimming hole, with a perfect reflection of the red cliffs painted across the water.
We climbed a hillside to get a better view, up and away from the trees.
Wow... the sense of peace that existed in that little corner of the world was deep and strong. Behind us was a beautiful view of the mountains, and the remains of an old forgotten fence:
Frying Pan Road lead us up to Ruedi Reservoir, which was much larger than I hoped:
The colors and light danced in front of my eyes and made me very happy.
As we continued along the road around the reservoir, we came across a sight that made me laugh: the Aspen Yacht Club:
Having grown up near the ocean, this was a funny sight to me. :) I'm sure it must be very fun to sail around this reservoir nestled in the mountains, but the word "yacht" is so grand that for me it conjures up images of much bigger boats!

We stopped at the eastern end of the reservoir and walked around for a while.

There were skeletons everywhere of some little animals with claws. We came across a sign that explained them, saying that they are an invasive species called a Rusty Crayfish. I wonder how they got there, and where they are from.

We stopped one more time, where the river feeds into the reservoir and there are several camp and picnic sites, and I was once again amazed by the colors there:
As is true with so many places I have visited in Colorado, I fell in love with this little corner of the world.

We decided to turn around at this point and head back home via Independence Pass. I was really tired from getting up so early and fell asleep, missing the entire drive back down this beautiful road. (I know B was tired too, but he was nice enough to continue driving. :) ).

Sat, Sept 24, 2011: Maroon Bells, Part 2

2011-10-05T17:08:00.006-06:00

We left the warm, cozy car once I could convince B that it would be more fun to hike around than take a nap!

The sun greeted us with harsh, brilliant light that concentrated all of the shadows of the night into increasingly smaller spaces.

I experimented a bit with my shutter speed, but the light was too brilliant and the shadows too dark, like some sort of War of the Worlds between day and night.

The air was still cold, especially when we were immersed in the shadows, and tiny crystals of frost clung to the foliage with all of their might.

Maroon Creek was beautiful, singing and dancing with the shadows, reflecting the brilliant yellow leaves within its waters.

I decided to experiment with my shutter speed and the water.
(You do remember that I forgot my tripod, right?)
I held my breath, over and over, the water rushing madly past me as I tried to hold myself in perfect stillness... for one second...
... Do you know how long one second is? Attempting to remain absolutely 100% still for one second really caused me to notice exactly how much I move all of the time. Complete stillness sounds like it should be so effortless. This whole process reminded me of meditation and the feeling of frustration that comes when the monkey chatter in my head just won't stop.

The trees... were... amazing.
The light was amazing.
The air was crisp and pure and fresh, the trees inviting me upwards into the perfect blue sky.

Colorado, I do love you.

We returned to Maroon Lake to find that the water had stilled somewhat, and the sunlight had reached the dense branches of the stand of pines to the left of the peaks.
When I look into that lake and see that reflection, I feel like all the world must be filled by the serenity and peace that exists there, in that perfect upside-down world that exists inside of the lake like an enchanted mirror.

On the way back to the car, I found the most beautiful puffy seed fluff, gently glowing in the sunlight.
I practiced focusing on different features of the seeds.
I love that focusing on a different part of the plant is a quick and literal change of perspective. Watching the pieces float in and out of clarity reminded me that I have this kind of power over my own life: to view circumstances and situations as I wish; to emphasize or play down different aspects of my experience; to appreciate different details in varying ways as my mind and heart and soul shift through this existence.

This flower, resting gently on a worn wooden fence rail, looked so comfortable. :)

Sat, Sept 24, 2011: Maroon Bells, Part 1

2011-09-27T16:39:00.005-06:00

This weekend, for the first time in my life, the intent of my travels was photography. Typically, photography has played a backseat role in my travels, but as I come across more and more wonderful scenes in my life, I find myself wishing I could portray them in a more intentional way.

The first thing I have been playing around with is my shutter speed. I am overwhelmed by how many things there actually are to learn about my camera, but I'm excited to learn and figured maybe it won't be so overwhelming if I tackle them one at a time.

Hoping that the Maroon Bells would look spectacular no matter what I did with my camera, B and I headed up early (very, VERY early...) on Saturday morning after having spent the night in Carbondale.

It was magical arriving before that magnificent sight before the sun even rose, with a slender crescent moon decorating the sky but not offering any light.

I knew we wouldn't be alone there, but I was surprised by the amount of people crowding the shores of the lake. (And they all had tripods! And I forgot mine!)
There was a hush over all of us, and the air felt heavy with a sense of reverence and expectation.
The earth held her breath in the last moments before dawn....

...and then, she exhaled...
...and exhaled...
...and exhaled again, the condensation of her orange breath oozing down the mountain peaks before us.
The entirety of the experience was magical, but those oozing orange moments of the breath of the earth were my very favorite.

We watched in stillness, the constant clicks of cameras among the only sounds.

The heavy, thick orange passed away as the sun rose higher, morphing into a brilliant pale gold that carried with it the lightened expectations of a new sunny day...
...and the mood in the air lightened, becoming crisp and clear and pure.
The peaks behind us were gorgeous, and the sun touched them later than the Maroon Bells. Those of us who took our eyes away from the golden splendor of the Bells were able to enjoy the sunrise exhibition for a second time.
I was FREEZING (I also forgot my gloves...) and so were the dogs, apparently, so B and I took them back to the car to sit in the heat for a while. We passed these columbines along the way:
B told me several times how tired he was, but I tried to keep both of our spirits up, saying that it was still early and we may as well hike up to Crater Lake to warm up the dogs (who were fast asleep and plenty warm with the heat blowing on them...) and give us all some exercise. He gave in, and we left the warmth of the car once again for the chilly, fresh, golden morning.

Sun, Sept 18, 2011: Second Annual Hike Like a Pirate Day!

2011-09-19T06:21:00.006-06:00

When people hear about Hike Like a Pirate Day (which comes the weekend before International Talk Like a Pirate Day, which this year falls on Sept 19th), they seem to feel compelled to inform me that pirates don't hike, in a tone of voice that very clearly states: "duh".

If pirates don't hike, then how are we supposed to get from Colorado to the ocean? How are we supposed to reach areas remote enough that we can safely bury our treasure? Where else would we see beautiful views of inland mountains to take with us on our journeys around the world? (duh! :) ).

The moon... is so captivating... and now that I have figured out how to take pictures of it, I think I am even more enchanted by my camera.

B and I spent Sunday morning donning our pirate garb - ARRRRR!
My friend chose Evergreen Lake as the location for this year's pirate hike. She has young children, and the other friends invited also have children, so this seemed a fun and easy place to go.

Luckily, it's also lovely. :)
B informed me that this bird is a crane, because he has watched The Karate Kid so many times that he would recognize a crane anywhere. (My friend Jen says it's probably a diving bird, a cormorant or anhinga).
The dogs were in on the fun too, and Kaylee actually managed to wear her pirate bandanna all day without trying to eat it, a fact that greatly surprised me as she spent most of the morning after we put it on her trying to eat it.
I love Asters. :) Hearing their name, which used to be mine in a way, conjures up all kinds of interesting thoughts and memories. Seeing them is always a little complicated for me, but I like that about them. They are so sweet that, regardless of the complications, they always make me smile.
There is a big lodge built right on the edge of the lake, and it was being set up for a wedding when we were there.
I kind of wanted the people to get married with a bunch of pirates in the backgrounds of their pictures (because to me, that would be funny if they were my pictures!); however, we seemed to be a bit too early and saw only the very first guests arriving.
There is a large dam that holds back the lake, which B noticed was built by Denver. So I guess we steal their water? Thanks, Evergreen....
ARRRRRR!
This statue by the dam was so random and not very visible.
For some reason, this view caught me. I love the "No Swimming" sign, and you can see a small kayaker in the background, and the moon is a small white smudge to the upper left of the sign.
Ok... this was so weird! There is no fence.... Do you see the chains there keeping the fence closed? Wha...?
I love these purpley blue bell flowers and still haven't learned their name:
Toward the end of our hike, we passed this adorable little cottage that is perched on the edge of the lake. If we had to live in a small house (which we do), I wish we could at least live in a small house that is somewhere beautiful, like this one.
This little duck started swimming toward our group, then swam quickly away when it caught the attention of our dogs and the kids!
We got a few strange looks, walking around the lake dressed like pirates, but most people were super friendly and got a kick out of us. And I think we got a kick out of ourselves. It was a good day. :)

I do wish that more often, people would dress in a way that is fun and entertaining. I don't understand the point of dressing in the way that is expected (although I do it every day for work because I have to!). It's so much more fun to dress with a sense of humor. This has reminded me to bring that sense of fun and not taking myself too seriously to the things that I wear, as well as trying to bring those traits to my personality.

Thurs, Sept 8, 2011: Printing Photographs...

2011-09-11T10:53:00.003-06:00

So... I have been printing some of my favorite photographs for my friends and family ever since I moved to Colorado. This Thursday, B and I were at Costco and I was printing my latest round of photos: some for friends and some of the dogs that I took back in June:

The pictures, which looked great on my computer screen, looked terrible and pixelated when printed. I went back to the woman at the photo area and asked her what I'm doing wrong. She actually had an answer for me, and one I wish I had learned years ago! Apparently there is a setting that indicates how many dpi, or dots per inch, the printer will print. I had been allowing the dpi to remain as the default, which is 72. She said their machines will print up to 320 dpi, while other Costcos with new printers can print up to 400 dpi.

WHAT?!

I am SO HAPPY about this - I have always wondered if I was just so terrible with pictures that I was taking them in really low quality or something, though the fact that the terrible printing problem wasn't fixed when I got my digital SLR was confusing to me. I have always been so sad about how bad my pictures look when I print them. Now I am elated to find out that it's just a silly little default setting that has been the problem the whole time.

She also taught me a few other things, like I can save files as a .TIFF if I want to capture subtle details in black and white, and that most places will "auto-correct" the settings of pictures, so if I want them to come out the way I like I need to ask them not to auto-correct.

My time spent learning from her was among the most useful 15 minutes I have spent in a very, very long time!!

Fri, Sept 2 to Sat, Sept 3: Camping In The Springs, Part 2

2011-09-11T10:47:00.005-06:00

So, now that we knew we were staying in the Springs area for a while... what to do? I rattled off a list of things half a mile long that I knew we could do, and the thing that seemed to resonate with B was a drive up to Pike's Peak. Technically it would be the first 14er for the dogs, but I think it's cheating since they didn't actually hike it. :)

Crystal Reservoir was gorgeous, and the sky was alive with bright sunlight and small dark clouds.

Kaylee!
I couldn't believe it when I saw that this willow was already turning yellow. Being from the Connecticut, I still feel like leaves shouldn't start turning until around Columbus Day, but out here the process begins in mid-September in the mountains.
Thankfully, the aspens were still their lovely summer green, so I didn't have to be too shocked. :)
The drive up to Pike's Peak is really beautiful, and the clouds made the sky interesting.

With my telephoto lens, we were able to zoom in on Garden of the Gods. I could make out the shape of the "Kissing Camels" formation, which made me smile.

Kaylee on top of her first 14er! (B was inside the store buying us a doughnut!)

Here is my Pike's Peak doughnut... delicious!
I loved this small dark cloud, hovering randomly lower than all the others, brilliantly outlined by the sun. This picture doesn't do it justice.
There were these beautiful red plants everywhere at the alpine elevations, and I loved how they lent their color to an otherwise relatively monochromatic landscape.
Do you see that crazy loop in the road?!

We headed to a dog park that B found to give the girls some exercise, since they had been basically on-leash and by our sides for the past 24 hours. The park was great! We were able to hike with them off-leash, and the whole park was fenced in so even if they got away they wouldn't get lost! (It was Kaylee's first off-leash hike so I thought getting lost might be a very real possibility for her, but she was great!).

The dogs were wiped out after their big 14er excursion and dog park hike!
We headed over to the balloon festival grounds and attempted to park, only to find out that dogs are not allowed at the festival. WHAT?! I had a great day and was happy that we stuck around to have some Colorado Springs adventures, but I was REALLY looking forward to the balloon festival. Maybe next year!

We headed home on one of my favorite back roads in Colorado, Route 105 through Douglas County. At one point, I warned B that I saw a deer on the side of the road. We were able to watch about 4 or 5 deer cross the road in front of us. As we passed, we realized that all but one of them was a male with large antlers.
The sunset was amazing.
I really love this area of town. There are beautiful views of the mountains, and so much open and free land. It feels like the country to me, but is fairly close to the city.
I continued my experimenting with photographing the moon, and had another successful experience:

It was so nice to have a day of exploration and spontaneity!

Fri, Sept 2 to Sat, Sept 3: Camping In The Springs, Part 1

2011-09-09T15:17:00.006-06:00

My good friends Jen and Jamie planned a camping trip for friends... but B and I were the only ones able to go! We scrambled to get everything packed on Friday afternoon when we got home from work, and I was kicking myself for not making us get at least some things packed the night before.

The campsite was located off of Old Stage Road just outside of Colorado Springs. We drove past The Broadmoor, which is apparently some huge swanky hotel that I have never heard of, then headed up a long and dusty road with gorgeous views of the prairie and the mountains. My fingers were itching to take pictures, but it was getting dark out and we wanted to set up our tent before it was entirely dark.

We missed the fork in the road for the campsite and began ascending a rough 4wd road that scraped the bottoms of our cars more than once. Jamie stopped in the middle of the road at one point (it was mostly dark out and we had passed no other cars) and we looked again at the directions to the campsite. I couldn't imagine that Jen, in her station wagon with the kids, had traveled up this rough road. We turned around, and luckily Jen was waiting for us at the fork in the road or we wouldn't have found the campsite at all!

We relaxed by the fire after setting up the tent, eating marshmallows and chatting until it started drizzling on us. B and I headed to bed and had a somewhat restless night, being awoken several times. A few of those times were because of the shivering of the dogs, which made me really sad until we realized we could cover them with our extra blanket and they were nice and cozy.

The next morning was sunny and beautiful, and I loved the textures of the light filtering in through the pine trees. We had my favorite camping breakfast, hard-boiled eggs and muffins, and intermittently hung out with Jen and Jamie, their kids, and our dogs. :)

Their son found this beautiful little corner of the campsite, with purple aster flowers, a neat looking old stump, and some funky huge mushrooms.

I found a strange pine tree whose entire form was covered in dripping sap. I loved the way that the sun shone through it, making it look like amber though it's years and years away from that transformation.

Kaylee was so entertained by everything! I realized, back when Jen and Jamie first invited us to camp with them, that this is her very first camping trip. Though I was so excited to have her camp with us, I was kind of sad that it's been so long since we went camping.
We left mid-morning to head home and visit the Metaphysical Fair in Denver. The drive back along Old Stage Road was beautiful!
At times, the road ran right alongside huge rock formations:
... and, at one point, narrowed to one small lane that was wedged between jutting pieces of earth:
There were beautiful views of Colorado Springs and the prairie. Several times, we could see the towers and poles atop Cheyenne Mountain, which made us laugh as we kept saying "Chay-ann Moun-ton" as they did in a South Park episode.

At one point, Garden of the Gods was easily visible through my telephoto lens:

As B and I talked on the way down, I expressed that I would really like to stick around until that evening, when a hot air balloon festival in town would be holding a special event. The balloons all fire up around 7:30pm, so they are glowing and warm as the sun sets. It sounded beautiful. B was concerned that we wouldn't have anything to do all day, so I was like... what? We're in Colorado Springs. There are a million things to do! What should we do first?

So we headed off on our next adventure.

Thurs, Aug 25, 2011: Innocent

2011-08-28T15:29:00.001-06:00

They just look too innocent....

Actually, they really were that innocent. They rarely cuddle together so it was totally adorable. :)

Sun, Aug 21, 2011: Behind Boulder

2011-08-23T06:33:00.002-06:00

Wow - this has been a whirlwind of a week, and I can't believe I'm just writing about this now.

Becky and Chris took us on a drive up to Gross Reservoir and the foothills behind Boulder. I have visited this area before, but not for several years, and it was wonderful to visit again as a passenger - and in good company! :)

The trees were charred from a huge wildfire last summer, so the beautiful shapes of the rock formations were bare and our views were unimpeded. I love having the opportunity to be a passenger on a road trip, since it happens so infrequently for me, and it was so relaxing to hang out with my friends and converse while watching the beautiful world go by.

On the way home, the clouds and light playing in the sky were so dynamic.

One of my favorite views of Denver is seen while driving south on I-25 near Thornton. I love seeing the tall buildings of the city, and the silhouette of Pike's Peak in the distance.
It was a peaceful day. :)

Sun, Aug 14, 2011 - A Visit With Nomads

2011-08-17T06:24:00.011-06:00

My friends Becky and Chris are in Colorado (up from New Orleans, where they usually live) for a few weeks, and we met up with them on Sunday for a picnic in Boulder. The day ended up taking us south to Castle Rock, where we had some fabulous fried chicken and interesting conversation.

Apparently they have made some great connections with art galleries in New Orleans, and Chris is going to have his paintings used as part of a set in a tattoo parlor in an upcoming movie. It's about time that everyone else started figuring out how awesome they are!

We talked a bit about the different feeling that we get from people in Colorado, and Chris shared a theory that I thought was really interesting. (I have addressed this feeling in previous posts). They are really enjoying the culture of New Orleans, which Chris said may be linked to the value of the land. New Orleans is supposed to be a swamp, and the land is essentially useless - but strategically located in an important area, at the mouth of the Mississippi River. His theory is that the amount of culture and life in a place and its people is inversely related to the natural beauty and value of the land. Therefore, because the land of New Orleans is essentially valueless, the culture and people are rich.

If this theory is applied to Denver, whose land is rich and valuable on its own, then one would conclude that the culture and people are less deep and less rich. Comparatively, life in Denver is pretty "easy" (if life could ever be considered easy!). Even in the midst of economic crisis, I know very few people whose jobs and lives have been greatly impacted. I'm certainly not saying that people in Denver don't have problems, because that would be absurd! However, I do feel that life just brings us less to deal with here, and dealing with things is what gives people depth and richness of spirit.

There are people in Denver who still have great richness of spirit and depth of personality, and I feel that my friends are some of those people. :) They are difficult to find, however, which is why my group of friends here has stayed fairly small. I think that the things that I value in myself and others, and the things that most people in Denver value in themselves and others, are pretty different from each other.

I find this very interesting, and wonder if it holds true for other places in the country. My theory that rain causes people to develop a richness inside of them compliments Chris' theory in terms of understanding the way that Denver feels. I wonder what culture and people feel like in a place with a lot of rain and a lot of natural beauty, or very little rain and limited natural beauty? I wish I could find out. :)

Sat, Aug 13, 2011: BBQ

2011-08-17T06:24:00.010-06:00

We have been pretty non-stop with our plans lately, which has been wonderful as we have seen most of my friends in a short amount of time. :) This past Saturday, what started off as a small dinner between friends ended up turning into a respectable BBQ!

Before everyone arrived, we had the dogs outside and tried to wear them out a bit so they would be on their best behavior.

Kaylee, however, was only set back for a bit:

The setting sun in the yard was so pretty, and I loved the golden light around the tall grasses that border the path:
It was wonderful to spend the evening out in the yard, as B and I haven't really done that since laying the sod. We worked all spring and summer to create a wonderful outdoor living area, but haven't taken the time to enjoy it. I appreciate my friends for providing us with an excuse to finally use it. :)

My friends' son played with Kaylee for most of the BBQ.

They have dogs of their own at home, so he is used to giving commands and expected to be obeyed. It was so neat seeing his calm confidence as he played with Kaylee, and I really "got" why some parents think it's important for children to have a dog. I certainly didn't have that level of confidence with dogs when I brought Kaylee home! I imagine that confidence will spill out into other areas of his life.

Animals are such a wonderful gift. :)

Sun, Aug 7, 2011: Perfect Ponderosas at the Flatirons

2011-08-08T06:24:00.006-06:00

I recruited B for a hike at the Flatirons (which apparently are located in Boulder Mountain Park? I never knew that). We headed up on my insistence, with me blissfully ignoring the fact that it would be like 90 degrees later that day.

It was about 10:30am by the time we got started, and it was already HOT! It felt so good, though, to be out in the sun and surrounded by nature that the heat was mostly an uncomfortable afterthought.

One of the children running up the trail in front of us was wearing a wizard hat. :)

The view of the foothills from the park is incredible. There are some really neat rock formations that are visible from the area.
North of Estes Park, the mountains just melt away into the prairie of Wyoming.
We sat for a bit and took some pictures of us with the dogs (who were delighted to be along with us, though B's dog overheats easily like me and we both needed to rest quite a bit). This little praying mantis got up in my face and did these crazy ninja arm moves that seemed designed to intimidate me into running away. In reality, I just thought he or she was awesome.
Finally, after hiking up a grassy hill with no protection from the intense heat of the sun, we entered the woods. Once I cooled off a bit, I was able to relax and truly enjoy the world around me. At one point along the trail, we came across a large area filled with cairns:
... and farther down along the trail, we entered a beautiful grassy field dotted with Ponderosa pines:
The trees were so stately, and had these lovely fairy rings around their bases made of some sort of silvery-leaved plant.
The silvery-leaved plant:
One of the funniest things about hiking along the Front Range in Colorado is finding random cacti growing alongside the regular plants of the forest:
The views on the way down were expansive, and much more enjoyable when traveling downhill (traveling downhill even made 90 degrees not seem too bad!):
Mmmmm.... Beauty. :)
I love these little yellow flowers, which speckled the fields beside the trail:

Just as we were leaving, we passed a patch of these interesting brilliant pink flowers, which I don't think I've ever seen before:
I requested that we take the "back way" home, which means Route 93 South to Golden (how I miss Golden...!). There is an area where the road sweeps past the most beautiful view of the Flatirons, and for once I was not driving and was able to capture it:
It's funny to me that the world is so full of beautiful places. It seems that everywhere I go, my heart is full with the feeling that it's the most beautiful place I could possibly be in that moment. And then, I go somewhere else and am full with the feeling that it's the most beautiful place I could be.... How fortunate we are to live in a world where that sentiment can be experienced, where beauty is so prolific that it's impossible to overlook.

Sun, July 31, 2011: Elk Magic

2011-08-03T19:27:00.017-06:00

This Sunday, B and I headed to Rocky Mountain National Park so I could have one last fun road trip before school started. I voted that we head up via Rt. 40 first, so we could end with lunch in Estes Park.

As we drove across Rt. 40, I was amazed by the incredible amounts of wildflowers that were blossoming everywhere. There were fields of white, purple, yellow, and pink, interspersed with rich green valleys and gently rolling hillsides.

My favorite lakes in Colorado were looking beautiful as always: deep mellow blue surrounded by mountains, with fluffy white clouds bent into intriguing shapes all around.

We stood for a while in the sun, watching the clouds drift slowly as boats raced across the surface of the water.

The sky was beautiful, and I loved the look of the mountains under dynamic clouds, which cast moving shadows onto the earth.

The shadows cast by the trees on this hillside fascinated my eyes.
One of my favorite areas of the park, coming from this direction, is the first main turnoff point when you emerge from treeline. The panorama from this point is so fantastic:
Sometimes the world almost doesn't seem real, like a painting or cardboard cutout of mountains propped up some distance away.
It's just too beautiful to be real... but it is, and to know that makes me so grateful that it hurts.
When I watched the movie American Beauty, I was amazed to hear two quotes in the movie that relate to this feeling, which I have experienced many times when seeing something beautiful:

"And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. ...Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in."

"... it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... ".

Relaxing, so the beauty of the world can pass through me like rain, is a life-long lesson for me I think.

...And then, when it couldn't get any more beautiful, the elk magic came. Last Friday the 28th, my friend Jen invited me to join her and her children at the Lookout Mountain Nature Center last week, and while we were there she commented that every time she is there she sees elk. I said that I wished her elk magic would rub off on me, and Jen extended her hand and blew elk magic to me.

It worked.

We found a huge herd of elk, one of four that we would see that day.
They were magnificent.
And then... a young one ran up to its mother...
... and was hungry.
I loved watching the two of them together.
The mother walked away while the young one was nursing, probably trying to wean it as it looked to be a young adolescent rather than a baby.

As she walked away, it licked its mouth and stuck its tongue out at me.
There were two males in the herd, both laying down and resting so that they were barely visible except for their giant antlers.

In time, a female showed up near each of them, and it made me smile to see the couples relaxing in the green grass, soaking up the sun as a cool, gentle breeze flowed over and among them.
The flowers were out, vibrant and soft and perched right next to a massive snow drift (which we had to cross with our flip flops on in order to see the elk!).

Heading down the mountain, we came upon this small stream and I was amazed by the colors and flowers in the area.

The earth filled my heart, and so did the elk magic.

Thurs, July 28, 2011: Kitty Night Lights

2011-08-03T17:15:00.003-06:00

Ikea finally opened in Denver. All I need is an H&M and I'm set!

This is certainly not a style blog, but I had to share these guys:

The cats change colors: the two tall ones rotate between light blue, dark blue, green, and purple, and the little one in the middle rotates between yellow, orange, red, and bright pink.

Of all the things in Ikea, they are what I needed to bring home. :)

Fri, July 22, 2011: Flint Hills and Chase County, Kansas - Part 2

2011-07-29T06:31:00.010-06:00

After I left Council Bluffs, I found myself in the heart of the prairie without any towns for quite some time. This was perfectly fine with me, and I delighted in the colors and textures of the vast earth rushing out around me in all directions.

Near the Tallgrass Prairie National Reserve, I passed a small old structure on the side of the road that fascinated me. As I drove by, I noticed that there were 2 cars parked near it, and figured I'd turn around to see if it was open to the public. When I entered the small dirt road, I saw a sign pointing to the "Lower Fox Creek School", so headed up the driveway.

The cars belonged to two men who looked to be making a documentary or segment for a show, and I took Kaylee's collar off so that the jingling of her tags wouldn't be heard in their film. I found myself paying attention to how loudly I was tromping through the dry prairie grasses, and moved my feet in a way that made about half the noise. Trying to be quiet actually heightened my senses, which I really appreciated as this was a lovely place to sense!

The school was actually in the Tallgrass Prairie National Reserve, so the views around it were of tallgrass prairie. I guess this type of prairie vegetation used to be native to the area and widespread, from Missouri to Iowa and the Dakotas. Due to farming, the tallgrass is mostly gone now. Looking around me at the old school house, I couldn't really imagine why it was called "tall grass" as it certainly didn't seem to even come up to my knees.
The school house was a beautiful old gray stone building, with the date of "May 1882" commemorated in the circular feature just under the peak of the roof. There was an old water pump, I believe from the '20s or '30s, beside the school, and on the other side was an old rusty swing set with no swings.
This view of Rt. 177 was so pretty, arcing away from me and disappearing into the trees:
Tallgrass Prairie National Reserve:

I loved this random beautiful tree, and the way its lower branches seemed to just melt into the prairie:

The school was lovely, and I wondered how they obtained gray stone for its creation. Is that native to the prairie? Usually I see brownish stones in the prairie. It's not very visible, but a beautiful half moon hung just above the roof of the school house in this view:
I walked down to the fence below the school house, being careful to make as little noise as I could, and just stood there for a while to soak in the prairie:
The cicadas were ceaselessly humming once again, their song sharp and beautiful.

I entered Strong City, which seemed to be kind of abandoned and run down. My favorite building in the town was this lovely church:
In the semi-circle just below the roof of this building was carved "David Rettiger, 1886". The modern sign named the building "Dave's Place", and it appeared to be some sort of liquor store. I felt that Strong City could do better by such a beautiful old building!

I finally arrived in Cottonwood Falls, the county seat of Chase County. I have two words for this town: beautiful and abandoned (well I guess with "and" that's three words...). The Cottonwood Falls Courthouse stood at the southern end of the intersection of Pearl Street and Broadway.
Broadway was a lovely brick-paved street that ran through what looked to be the historic town center. The buildings all looked freshly updated and were painted with cheerful colors that complimented the deep blue of the prairie sky.
The odd thing was... they mostly looked pretty abandoned. I'm guessing that the town has recently renovated the stores in the hopes of bringing in more businesses and tourist dollars. Well, I think it worked because if there were any businesses I would have spent more time in this beautiful old town.

Aaaand then it was time to head back out to the prairie. :)
I found a few cow pastures and stopped to watch the cows for a while. Some hid in the shade of the surprising number of trees that dotted the prairie, and some wandered across the grassy fields.

Some just stood and stared at me...
..while some just minded their business, completely unphased by my presence:
I love groups of things, and the numbers of this picture pleased me: four metal cylindrical things with conical roofs (I have no idea what they are), four hay rolls, two telephone poles, two train tracks, and two rows of trees:
Near the small town of Burns, Kansas, I spotted this wonderful barn:
I think it's my favorite barn in the entire universe, and I would REALLY love to live in a house that looks just like that, with a few more windows and a handful of solar panels on the roof!

I took Rt. 77 back to I-70 and started the trek home around 2pm. I was surprised to learn that it was only going to take me about 4 or 5 hours to reach Denver. Kansas is a huge state obviously, and I think I have a tendency to overestimate distances there in the car. After all, the speed limit is thankfully 75mph. :)

Scattered heavy clouds dotted the sky around me about 100 miles into Colorado, and I watches as beautiful small columns of heavy rain drew a connection from the sky to the earth. The light among the clouds and the rain was breathtaking:

... as were the outlines of mountains, which were finally coming into view. The mountains looked so beautiful, rising suddenly out of the prairie, that they brought a few tears to my eyes.

I'm not sure that Colorado feels like "home", or if it ever will, but without fail it takes my breath away every time I return.

Fri, July 22, 2011: Flint Hills and Chase County, Kansas - Part 1

2011-07-26T17:00:00.009-06:00

When I lived in Connecticut, I picked up a book called PrairyErth by William Least Heat-Moon. I had never heard of the title or the author, but reading about the prairie sounded like a fun adventure and hey, it was only 2 dollars! I ended up loving the book and was enchanted by his descriptions of the beautiful prairie, which is so different from the woodlands where I grew up.

Ever since my first road trip across the country, I have been fascinated by the Flint Hills area of I-70. Sadly, I only knew it as a highway blasted through a hill, leaving beautifully pink, orange, and gray striated rocks exposed to travelers and the wide Kansas sky.

I thought these two things, the book and the sight of the Flint Hills, independent of each other as I had apparently forgotten where PrairyErth took place... until I started doing some research on the Flint Hills in the hopes of stopping there on the way home from Connecticut. I was so surprised to find that PrairyErth was written about the Flint Hills! How could I have overlooked that fact?! The same fascinating, enchanting land from the book was the land that has caught my eye on every trip across the country these past 4 years. I couldn't wait to explore a bit of the hills.

The small town of Manhattan rested among the soft green hills when I woke up on Friday morning. A thick haze from a heat and humidity I didn't realize could exist outside of the east coast hung over the landscape. I headed onto the road that I thought was Rt. 177, but unknowingly ended up on Rt. 18 instead. The road funneled me right into Fort Riley, a military area, which is where I realized I must have missed a turn. The man who assisted me at the gate had the most wonderful energy I have ever felt from a person in a position of power. Rather than abuse my vulnerable situation (by making me feel like an idiot for being on the wrong road...) he gave off peaceful waves of confidence and calm. He had no interest in playing a power trip and was instead genuine and humble. His energy commanded my respect immediately, and I thought to myself that if there were more people like this in power, our society would be a much better place.

I turned myself around, found the entrance to Rt. 177, and headed off into the hills.

Kaylee was ready to roll!
I actually found that the hills outside of Manhattan were the largest that I experienced in the area. The farther south I drove away from the town, the more gentle the hills became. Not far from town, I found this gorgeous old farm.

I stopped several times to look at the circular hay rolls that were randomly laying around the freshly mowed hay fields. At one point, I pulled off onto this dirt side road, which really summed up the character of the roads in this area. They gently bumped over and down the hillsides, eventually seeming to drop away into nothingness on the other side of the tallest hill in sight.
Seriously... when I was a kid, hay was baled into rectangular shapes. And now they make them into circles... when did this change take place? And why are circles of hay superior to rectangles of hay?

There were two little yellow-breasted birds hanging out by this hay bale. I have no idea what kind of birds they are!

The hum of the locusts, every time that I stopped, was phenomenal. I love their ceaseless songs, carried to my ears by the slow, hot, humid summer air.
This stopping spot was the home of yet another dilapidated old barn.

This short green crop was being grown quite a bit. I wasn't able to figure out what it was. It sort of looked like spinach (?).

And, of course, there were fields and fields of corn...
... I don't know why, but I think that cornfields are so beautiful.

Near the small town of Council Grove was an unexpected body of water:
Council Grove was one of the best examples of the "old west" town I always imagined as a child.
The buildings were very well-kept, and the town was clean and cheerful.
I loved the old-fashioned architecture:
This building was by far the most majestic in the town. It is called the "Farmers and Drovers Bank", and the building was dated "1892".
This is another view of the Hays House, built in 1857. (I have no idea what the Hays House was!).

I left the lovely small town feeling refreshed and excited. I was not yet in Chase County (the setting of PrairyErth), but soon would be.

Weds, July 20 and Thurs, July 21: Granby, CT to Manhattan, KS

2011-07-21T19:20:00.006-06:00

Kaylee and I left at about 9am from Granby, after a leisurely morning of getting ready to leave at my own peaceful pace. I planned to take a detour through an area of Kansas that I like, so wasn't in a rush to make it across the country in two days.

The day was sunny and beautiful, and the country slipped past me in a rush of green trees and well-manicured farms.

I spent the evening of the 20th just west of Dayton, Ohio, in one of the worst motel rooms I have ever had the misfortune to experience. It smelled like a giant litter box, the toilet seat was literally cracked in half and half of it was missing, and the bolt on my door didn't work (I crammed a chair up under the door handle and it actually fit pretty well!).

Thursday was HOT and so humid! I didn't realize that the midwest could feel so much like Connecticut. When I stopped to get gas mid-day, I was baking even in the shade. A breeze picked up and blew hot and humid air all over me... not exactly refreshing! The rivers out here are still flowing up over their banks, with water levels so high that the surface of the rivers touches the bottoms of the tree canopies. It was crazy to see how flooded everything still is!

The motel where I am staying this evening in Manhattan (the self-proclaimed "Little Apple") seems to be full of men who enjoy congregating near the entrances. When I pass them, which I have done four times already since my arrival, they stop their conversations and stare at me for as long as I am in their line of sight. I can't tell if this is because I am female or from out of town... or perhaps it's both. All I know is that I seem to have landed myself in a strange little corner of the country.

Kaylee and I played a game of "Go Get The Cups", in which I stacked two disposable motel cups together and threw them around the room, and she ran around and joyfully retrieved them for me as if it was the most important job in the world! Her dedicated effort, the way that she pursued the cups each time as if the end of the world depended on it, totally cracked me up! She has a talent for being able to make me laugh.

Chasing those cups is really the only exercise she's gotten these past 2 days, and I realize I'd love to learn about how to keep a dog more physically active on a long road trip. Is it possible?

Tues, July 19, 2011: The Ocean, Free Of Charge

2011-07-20T20:31:00.003-06:00

I attempted to go to the ocean today, only to find that parking cost $10 to $20, in addition to a fee to get in to the beach....

I was super mad at the entire state of Rhode Island for charging the pants off people who want to go to the beach. The ocean is not a commodity!...

Then I remembered that we charge people to go up into several of our mountain areas such as RMNP, Mt. Evans, and Pike's Peak... and I became un-mad.

Still, there are free, beautiful views of the mountains all over I-70 and any highway in the mountains. I was able to catch a couple of glimpses of the water here and there as I navigated around, trying to find a free public beach. (I'm sure that free public beaches must exist, but I have no idea where they are...).

I guess I usually go to the beach during off-season, or at least off-hours of the day to see the sun set. I like it much better when it's not crawling with people.

Sun, July 17, 2011: Floweretum

2011-07-18T08:58:00.006-06:00

My parents and I headed up to Smith College's Arboretum in Northampton, MA today. There are several gorgeous old trees on the property, but my hands-down favorite thing about the gardens and greenhouses are the flowers (hence the title of this post - also, there are tons more flowers than there are arbors!).
Daisies for me are associated with Aphrodite/Venus, and I always take a moment to honor her through them.
These flowers remind me of a walk I took in high school with my friend and her boyfriend, who picked a small cluster of them for each of us. They were the first flowers ever given to me, outside of the expectations of a school dance. For me, their colors, shapes, and scent remind me of that innocence of young adulthood.
This was all of our favorite flower I think, some sort of an African Lily.
There is a massive 100-year-old ginkgo tree on the property that I love.
We wandered around, in and out of flower beds and landscaped areas. I was baking in the hot sun but was too enchanted by the beauty around me to care.

I love this tree, a big old weeping elm with gnarled and twisted branches, whose canopy opens up and is clear like a bell on the inside.
These purple flowers attracted a lot of bees, and I had fun watching a honey bee and bumble bee collect pollen near each other. They both just did their thing and minded their own business, moving away if they got too close to one another. I wish that people could learn from their peaceful co-existence.
Inside the greenhouses are orchids...
... that are so delicate and beautiful...
... and I love them.

My father pointed out this really neat spiky pink and purple flower:
The greenhouses hold several types of pitcher plants, and I always think it's strange being around a carnivorous plant:
The sun began shining more brightly, and the whole greenhouse lit up inside. There were more orchids:
... and more:
... and in the improved sunlight, I had to return to the original clusters of orchids to catch a few pictures in brightness. I'm glad I did, because I ended up taking one of my favorite shots of the day:
Our tour was rounded out by a walk through the cactus greenhouse:
We wandered around town, stopping by one of my favorite jewelry stores in the world that is housed in an old bank built in the 1920's.

I used to live in Northampton when I was 22 and every time I visit, I realize how much I miss it. Such a neat little town. :)

Sat, July 16, 2011: Antiques, Tornado Land, and Fawns

2011-07-16T20:54:00.002-06:00

My parents and I headed to the giant antique fair in Brimfield, Mass. today. I love exploring the booths, looking at beautiful old things and wondering what we will find. I picked out a few scarves, and the scarf woman gave my dog a little pink bandana (which she wore around her neck as if it was a "World's Greatest Dog" medal!). Antiques are just a fun thing about living in New England that I always took for granted - old leaded glass windows; old carved doors; old hinges, keys, and doorknobs; old books; old textiles; old furniture of course; and always lots of beautiful, colorful, candy-colored glass in the form of stained glass windows and lobster floats. I love all of the colors and textures, and wish that I had the funds to purchase some items to spark creativity and whimsy in my home in CO.

On the way home, we stopped in an area that was severely damaged by the EF-3 tornado that came through a couple of months ago. It was a crazy sight - trees were stripped completely bare of leaves and branches, the tops of trees were snapped right off, people's homes were abandoned and boarded up. One man pulled up a trailer onto his property and sat out in front of it, lounging on a recliner with a beer in his hand. All of those lives seemed to be frozen until the insurance companies released funds for rebuilding their homes. It was sad and phenomenally moving to witness the power of nature and see its destructive path first-hand.

Later, we went out for ice cream after dinner and saw two little spotted fawns along the side of the road grazing in the grass. This is the second time I have seen a pair of fawns, and I really wish that I had Animal Speak along with me so I could figure out the message that they are sending me. Both fawn pairs just looked so happy and innocent, blissfully unaware of the danger they were putting themselves in by eating right next to a road.

Fri, July 15, 2011: Day With My Sister

2011-07-16T14:33:00.002-06:00

My sister came by on Friday morning, and we took my dog for a walk in McLean Game Refuge, which is a large piece of preserved land in the town where we grew up.

I tried out Kaylee's backpack for the first time, hoping that she would love the "job" of carrying her own water. She was highly skeptical and walked sideways for the entire first part of our hike, but eventually got used to it and trotted along like her usual self.
I've forgotten that two words can entirely sum up Connecticut summers: buggy and hot. It was so hot, even in the shade of the forest, and the bugs landed on our heads and faces despite copious amounts of bug spray. I loved getting out and seeing the woods, and Kaylee had some fun splashing around in the stream, but we threw in the towel much sooner than we intended just to get away from the bugs.
We headed out to see the final Harry Potter movie that evening, which was haunting and beautiful just as they all have been. Being done with the last Harry Potter movie feels like the end of an era to me. Those books and characters have lived in my imagination ever since I was introduced to them 10 years ago. I have a hard time believing that the adventures of those characters are really over.

On the way home, the rays of the sun beamed in a wide crescent across the sky.
This picture was taken by my sister while I was driving. She has started an adorable pet blog about her furry family that you can visit here.

Luckily, I just found that the Clan of the Cave Bear author finally wrote book 6 of her series. I'm hoping that the book will enchant my imagination. With the Lord of the Rings movies being long over, and now Harry Potter concluding as well, I'm in need of something to look forward to that will spark my mind and heart!

Weds, July 13, 2011: Shooting the Moon

2011-07-14T20:42:00.005-06:00

One of the things I'd like to do in the near future is enroll in some sort of photography class or group where I can learn how to really use my camera. My camera is a great machine, but I'd love to know how to use it intelligently, rather than just depending on it to make the right decision for me all of the time.

I took Kaylee out to "do her business", and was enchanted by the beautiful moonrise that was in progress to the east:
I ran inside and grabbed my camera, then started taking pictures... all of which resulted in a massive over-exposure of the moon, making it look like a glowing ball of light in the middle of the sky.

I started playing with the settings, hoping that I would stumble upon the one that controls the shutter speed... which I did! I set it to the fastest setting, and ended up with this:
... a beautiful, clear photo of one of my favorite celestial bodies. I couldn't believe that my camera is capable of taking such a great picture, or that I was able to logic out how to produce a good shot with my limited knowledge of photography.

I'm proud to have done the moon, my sun sign planet in astrology, more justice than I ever thought I could with this picture. :)

Tues, July 12, 2011: Return Through the Adirondacks

2011-07-14T20:11:00.006-06:00

... because I always like taking the interesting way home. :)

I slept in later than I expected Tuesday morning. Sera and I had planned to get lunch at this restaurant that they like called The Green Door, but when we arrived there neither of us was hungry yet. We ended up taking our food to go and I brought Sera back to her house where we said our goodbyes. It's always sad leaving friends who live far away, and my heart felt heavier as I drove back through the countryside.

Canada reminds me a bit of Colorado in that it seems that people crowd into cities and leave the rural areas wide open. The impression that it gave me is that you're either in the city or in the middle of nowhere. I thought Colorado was the only place like that!

I loved the street signs, which were a French-English mix:
The French being "Chemin Hunt Club" and English being, of course, "Hunt Club Road". They write them on the same sign as it's more space efficient, but I thought it was funny and kept reading the whole thing in my head, "Chemin Hunt Club Road", just because it sounded ridiculous.

The border crossing was an ordeal once again, with an incredibly rude man questioning me and insulting the way that I met my friends. I know that it's their job to question people (over and over and over...), but this man went beyond that. He made judgmental statements about me and played his disgusting power trip all over me. All I could do was just stare at him with invisible daggers and try to speak calmly (though I'm curious to know what would have happened if I'd verbally harassed him the way he harassed me. What would he do, banish me from the US?). I hated that I had to just sit there and take that from him. I wish I could say that I didn't let him get me down, but I was already vulnerable from having to say goodbye and his vile abuse of power really left me shaken.

I stopped to eat mid-afternoon... and WOW was that food fantastic! My taste buds danced with joy, and my heart felt light again. It was filled with goodness and swept away the evil of the border crossing piece of work.
Now that my heart was soothed, I was free to soak in the land around me which had finally become interesting (and by interesting I mean water-crossed).
I wove in an out of swamps, past and over lakes, and undulated up and down countless hills as the road flew beneath me.

The trip was beautiful and I was at peace.

I came upon a river and was shocked to see that it was the Hudson River... as in, the same dirty river that runs through New York City. The river here, however, was clean and pure and deliciously beautiful. It entranced me with its dancing water song, and I lingered for a while just to listen.

I eventually came to a major highway, which was inevitable but disappointing as I had managed to avoid them since leaving Canada. At one point I saw, frolicking in the grass between the northbound and southbound lanes, two tiny perfect fawns. They looked just like Bambi. I have never seen such tiny fawns before, dappled with young spots of color and balancing on spindly long legs, and I was worried for them. I had no idea how they made it across 3 lanes of highway traffic to the median, but I said a prayer for them and sent my hopes out that they would make it back across safely and find a less perilous place to graze. I really hope they made it.

Mon, July 11, 2011: Around Ottawa

2011-07-14T07:25:00.004-06:00

Sera and I headed out on Monday to explore Ottawa which is, as Andy put it, "the capitol of all of Canada" (which was news to me... why did I not know that? It's only like 7 hours from where I grew up. That's closer than D.C....). We had considered going for a hike, but intermittent rain showers made staying in the city seem like a better idea.

We made an amusing entry into the city. With no GPS and not knowing quite exactly how to get to where we wanted to be, we aimed for landmarks that Sera knows and made a left-turn-only spiral to our destination. It was great, as I got a mini tour from the car!

This canal connects Montreal to Ottawa, and we sat and watched for a bit as the little area where the boats were filled with water, bringing it to the level of the next area of water before the gates would open.
The government buildings are plentiful in Ottawa, and I thought they were so beautiful with their spiky roof lines and green copper roof tops.
We don't really have much architecture like this in the US and it reminded me of Europe.
On the ground was this random puzzle piece, which was interesting to me because there wasn't much litter on the ground at all. I wondered where it came from and how it got there, and wondered if the puzzle felt incomplete without this piece, and if the piece felt lost without its puzzle home.
The clock tower was chiming symphonies the entire time we walked around the complex, which Sera said is unusual as it usually plays a song and then rings out the time. One of the songs it played is "My Country 'Tis of Thee", which I found really weird for obvious reasons.
This is the main government building. I think it's way more grand than ours!
Signs everywhere were in both English and French:
We walked into a little park on a hill high above the river, and the rain finally let up enough that we could put our umbrellas away.
Lunch was a sandwich on the most delicious oven-baked bagel that I have ever tasted. YUM! Next we headed to an outdoor market, which seemed a bit empty, perhaps due to the rain. There were still many vendors out, selling jewelry, clothing, and food, and I liked the atmosphere.
We headed back to their house, where I sat and read for a while as wandering around the city tired me out! Andy cooked us a delicious trout dinner (it was my first time eating trout and I loved it!), and I learned that they are also into tiny houses! We talked about them for a while, and shared our dreams of living in a small home on a plot of land, with gardens and animals and lots of outdoor space.

Apparently every evening, weather permitting, there is a light show on the main government clock tower building, and we hoped that since it had stopped raining after dinner we may be able to catch the show. We drove into the city. Sera let me sit in the front because I have been getting motion sickness in the back seats of cars lately (which is new for me, it's never been a problem before). I had another experience with energy that was really interesting. I could see that Sera and Andy were fused together like two jellybeans attached to each other. Their collective energy was very strong and kind of purple-gray, with something like a thick barrier around it.

I was feeling kind of impish about it so reached out in my mind and poked at it to see what would happen. I think maybe that sounds kind of weird, but that's what I did - almost like poking one's finger into a balloon. The barrier had some resistance and bowed inward a bit where I poked, but mostly it just felt really thick and impenetrable. When I withdrew it bounced right back. It was really interesting and magical to know that they were existing together within this thick protective force field, and it also made me recognize how accustomed I am to experiencing people's energy. I was unable to feel theirs. I realized that I would like to become more aware of how I interact with the energy of others. I think that right now it's mostly a subconscious process, and I would like to work on making it more conscious so that I can be more respectful in the way that I interact with it.

The light show was cancelled for that evening, so they took me to a park with a beautiful waterfall which flowed out into a rocky kind of canyon area. Though it was dark out, the waterfall was white and churning and easily visible, and its sound was soothing and awakening at the same time.

In this life, we are constantly surrounded by people who are living as they have been told they should live. Some of these people actually want to live that way, for feelings of prestige, success, security, providing the best way they know how for their family. I often wonder, in the green, neat, homogenous suburbs, how many people living in those houses want or have ever contemplated wanting a different way of life? I have always felt that if I had to live in the suburbs, I would diminish to a shell of a person, all the light in me dried up into dust. So much of the magic of life for me is found in nature, and I long for the day when I can surround myself with it.

It was so wonderful to feel that there are other people out there with dreams similar to mine, and a heart-warming surprise to learn that those people are already friends of mine.

Sun, July 10, 2011: Sterling Renaissance Festival

2011-07-13T11:57:00.010-06:00

I woke up at 3am to the sound of some very loud people in the rooms around me running in the hallway and hollering at the tops of their lungs. They quieted down after about 10 minutes, but I found myself unable to fall back to sleep right away. For some reason, I was horribly, furiously angry and could not shake the feeling. I wasn't angry at the people, to whom I was grateful for quieting down so quickly. I don't know what made me so angry, if I was picking up on energies within the hotel or had a maddening dream that I couldn't remember. I eventually calmed myself and drifted back into blissful sleep.

We didn't plan to meet at the faire until 10am, so I was able to have a wonderfully relaxed start to my day. Most of the time when I stay at motels, I am there briefly before dashing off to another place. This is one of the few times when I was actually able to sleep in!

I grabbed breakfast to go and headed to the spot I hoped would potentially offer a good view of Lake Ontario. I was surprised to find that the road actually lead me right to the waterfront, and a restaurant occupied the shoreline. The place was closed, so I sat on one of the picnic tables and munched contentedly on my food while soaking in a beautiful, clear view of the water.
To the east, I could see the smokestacks of industry indicating the intersection of the Oswego River with the lake, and found myself kind of grossly fascinated by them. Factories aren't something that was ever in my experiences growing up, and while I don't like what they represent and what they do to the environment, I find their shapes unique and unexpected.
I greatly preferred the unblemished view of the lake, however, and kept myself turned toward a tiny sailboat on the horizon that seemed to slowly be making its way back to shore.
Relaxed and full from my breakfast and the peace of the water, I headed over to the faire where my friends located me outside of the gate. We headed in to the biggest ren faire I have ever visited. The buildings on the property are set up year-round, which meant that they were more creative and well-built than other faires I have visited.

This was one of our favorite vendors, who unfortunately doesn't have a website or even an online gallery of his work.
His imagination, skill, and the beauty of his creations enchanted me.

We were able to watch a glass blower at work, which was amazing because he did everything by hand and without molds (in the past, I have watched glass blowers work with molds).
Sera noticed this little nest tucked up into the eaves of a shop, and we saw the heads of several hungry baby birds popping over the edge of the nest:
Sera, it turns out, is an awesome nature resource and taught me some things I didn't know and had never heard of!

Not only was the faire huge, but there were tons of events going on. We saw a hypnotist's show (Sera was brave enough to be hypnotized but I was a chicken), an inappropriate poet, and the joust:
This woman tamed her falcon from the wild. I am always amazed when I see a bird of prey close-up, and could feel the power and animal nature emanating from it.
Toward the end of our time there, we sat down to listen to some music. This group actually created their own instruments, and the man on the left had some interesting instruments to play. This one fascinated me, as he used a bow to play it like a fiddle but pressed keys to change the notes rather than pressing on the strings.
I commented that they reminded me of the old couple from "The Princess Bride":
...and Sera said they reminded her of the old couple from "The Neverending Story":
Both comparisons made me laugh - after all, there is something epic and undefeatable about a couple who can grow old together after a lifetime of adventures!

We left the faire around 4:30 I think, after a full and fun day of imagining ourselves in another time. The trip up to Ottawa, Canada wouldn't take us too long, and I was to follow Andy the whole way up to their home.

In northern New York, we passed through an area called 1000 Islands. I had no idea that was a real area, I thought it was just a salad dressing! The area was so, so beautiful, with a wide river flowing around the many small islands that dotted its surface. I would love to head back there someday.

The border patrol officer was un-awesome and harassed all of us needlessly. I wonder what kind of a person would choose to have such a job, and if he had greatly enjoyed the power trip that he tried to play on us or if he just took it in stride as a normal occurrence. I'm pretty sure all of us wanted to punch him in the face - at least, I know I did!

The area of Canada through which we drove was full of trees and kind of swampish. There were some dark green, pointy pines that I was unfamiliar with and whose name I was curious to know.

I somehow managed to stay behind Andy and Sera the entire way to their house (he was so easy to follow!). We stopped by their friend's house first to pick up their dog, and I had an interesting experience there.

While I was sitting and watching everyone interact around me, an image came into my head to visually describe for me the energy that I felt in the room. It was like a sphere with spikes coming out of it:
I am usually sensitive to the energy of a place and am often affected by it without even noticing (as in the example at the beginning of this post in which I woke up furious for no known reason). Seeing the shape of the energy in a place was a new experience for me though, and one that I really enjoyed. The energy felt kind of stimulating and electric, maybe like getting shocked or poked.

Sera and Andy's house had a very different energy, much more calming and circular like an infinity sign or a thin horizontal oval:
Sera pointed out to me that she intentionally planned the house so that the sounds of running water can be heard from every room, which I think added to the calm energy. The calm personalities of Andy and Sera also added to it I think. :)

This experience was interesting and fascinating to me, as when things come to me they usually do so in words rather than pictures. The pictures were neat, and I liked being able to understand how I felt in both environments based on the mental picture of the energy in each.

I fell asleep quickly and slept soundly, no drunken hotel guests or unexplained fury assaulting my dreams.

Sat, July 9, 2011: Os We Go... To New York!

2011-07-13T07:47:00.005-06:00

The title of this post is borrowed from one of my favorite Strong Bad episodes.

This adventure's roots grow into the past, beyond my move to Colorado, and trail to a stop right around the time when I began graduate school. I was online quite a bit back then (pretty much whenever I wasn't at class, doing homework, at my job, or spending time out with my friends), and was part of a wonderful group of people whom I enjoyed very much. There were four of us in the group who were druids: silly, adaptable, shape-shifting, earth-revering druids. Two of the druids found love with each other in real life, soul mates connected across the internet in an imaginary world - the connection I was hoping for when I planned my move to Colorado. For them, it was an unexpected connection, forged in that wonderful state of "not-expecting-it" that I have yet to master.

They invited me to visit them in Canada, and offered to break up my drive by meeting me at the Sterling Renaissance Festival in Sterling, New York. A chance to meet up with old friends AND have an international adventure involving a Ren Faire?! I was powerless to resist (and didn't at all want to :) ).

My friends were camping near the festival, which sounded like an awesome idea... except that all of my camping gear was back in Colorado. I got myself a motel room right along the Oswego River, and headed out through New York on Saturday afternoon.

I haven't really spent much time in New York since living in a tent at Brushwood almost 10 years ago, and I have fond memories of the rolling rich green farmland in that little area of the world.

The area of New York where I traveled on this trip wasn't quite as far west and had a bit more trees than I remembered, but shared the same rich beauty as the area where I lived:
There were many valleys and hills along the drive, and my views alternated between being immersed in small old towns and expansive farms, and beautiful views from the hilltops:
There were several signs cautioning drivers that there may be carriages on the roads. I hoped to see one as this would be a familiar sight from my time in New York, and I did. :)
The farms are so beautiful and clean-looking, and I had my windows open to let in the fresh, sweet smelling air.
I passed several small lakes and streams, and loved the way that they dot the landscape like a generous afterthought.
Water in Colorado is usually so planned and rare that there is a lot of focus on sites of water. Here, the water is so abundant that it's not surrounded with that focus of energy at all. It's allowed to exist simply as just part of the landscape. The water doesn't have to try to fulfill the expectations of "WATER!!" that are put on water in Colorado, so it's free to just relax and be itself. I like it much better that way.

I was pleased to find that my motel room was right in the middle of Oswego, and that the town is small enough to be walking-friendly. I took a stroll around this little old town, loving the old buildings and industrial feel of the area. I tried heading down to Lake Ontario, which is only blocks from the center of town, but found that the waterfront where the Oswego River meets the lake is an industrial area, and the lake itself is separated from the river by some sort of dam or partition.

From a small hill, though, I was able to see the lake... kinda. :)
The architecture of some of the old buildings was so neat:

The Oswego River:
I was sad about not being able to really see Lake Ontario, so made plans to wake up a bit early in the morning so I could eat my breakfast by the lake. I found what looked like a good likely spot on a map, and settled in to read for the rest of the evening.

Mon, July 11, 2011: Home

2011-07-11T05:10:00.006-06:00

4 years ago today, I was driving the Ohio - Kansas leg of my big move to Colorado. This year, my Colorado anniversary is being spent with friends in Ottawa (I'm in Canada right now! Unfortunately I forgot the cable that connects my camera to my computer so will be writing about my trip when I return to Connecticut). These past 4 years, this section of July has been kind of a bittersweet time of the year for me - bitter for the feelings surrounding the circumstances of my move, and sweet for the wonderful independence and confidence that I have gained.

Thinking of my move to Colorado at any time of the year always makes me think about the idea of "home". Connecticut still feels so much like home to me, with its big shady trees and soft green grass. Sometimes when I return from CT, I drive around Colorado feeling lost and confused, as if the streets are so unfamiliar that they can easily be forgotten over the course of a few weeks.

For my birthday, I asked for a book that B ended up getting me called the Small House Book, by Jay Shafer (the person behind the Tumbleweed House Company, also featured pretty regularly on Tiny House Blog). One of my very favorite things that he discussed in the book is his definition of the word "home".

I have always thought of "home" as the feeling of connecting with your soul mate. I thought of soul mates as kind of "spirit homes" to each other; your higher selves recognizing each other on the physical plane. I still love the idea of finding one's home in another person, and I know that the idea has truth for some people, because I have seen several of my friends in relationships with their soul mates and I can see how they glow when they are together.

I have, at times, also thought of my body as "home", the physical vessel for my soul during this lifetime on Earth, my "earth home". My body especially feels like home when I am outside hiking or camping, because it's like my little traveling soul home. It takes me places and helps me to do stuff, and I love it for that.

Jay Shafer, in his book, describes "home" as anywhere that you feel comfortable enough to be your true self, anywhere that lets your true self shine through. His concept of "home" has been rolling around in my head ever since I read the book, and I really like the expansiveness of his idea. Home can be in a friend, in a family member, in a comfortable place or time. I think part of what resonates with me in this idea is how important it is to be able to be comfortable with myself in all kinds of settings and with all kinds of people, because I think you can never know when "home" might happen.

I like his idea because it's more practical than mine, and the reasonable part of me appreciates that. I'm having difficulty, however, shaking my concept of "home" in one's soul mate from my head, which has become irrevocably interlaced through my idea of the relationship that I want to have. I can see, through my own experiences and those of my friends, that finding one's soul mate seems like a very difficult task. All kinds of other complicated things get in the way, like being lonely, wanting children, believing that the other person will change and someday things will be better. People say that it happens when you stop looking for it to happen, but I have not yet managed to achieve that state.

I wish it was an easier task, because when I am able to see and spend time with two people who have found home inside of each other, as soul mates, it's such a beautiful expression of what a human romantic relationship can be. I wish that all people on Earth could experience such a relationship, instead of what seems like an exceptional (very, very fortunate) few.

Thurs, July 7, 2011: "Baahstin", Part 2

2011-07-09T08:35:00.007-06:00

I felt somewhat better upon leaving the aquarium, but we decided to head into the Financial District where the nearest drugstore was located. We rested for a bit in a small park, and I thought the neatest part were these weathered copper bricks with reliefs of animals:

Cancer, in honor of my zodiac sign. :)
I thought the butterflies were the prettiest brick:
The time in the park helped me to recover, and I started feeling happy about being in the city. We decided to walk from the Financial District to Trinity Church, and I think it's one of the best decisions we made all day. It's so hard to really see the city when rushing from one place to another, and we really took our time and soaked it all in.
Our trip to Trinity Church took us past Quincy Market, which is where we had stopped to eat lunch, and since I was feeling better I actually wanted to take pictures!
Faneuil Hall:
We passed the Old State House on the way:
...as well as the King's Chapel graveyard, with graves dating back to the early 1600's:
There was another cemetery almost across the street that was packed with people. We didn't go but I wish we had, because my father said that many famous people from Boston's past are buried there, including Paul Revere. The cemetery was strange though, because there was yellow "Caution" tape winding through the trees and headstones, and a bunch of the graves looked like they were being excavated.

I have no idea what this random place is, but it looked interesting:
We passed Boston Commons and walked through the Public Gardens. There was a massive old willow tree growing next to the swan boat pond:
... and a redwood tree that stumped me with its strange looking needles (honestly, how could I not remember these from California?!):
On our way to the church, we passed this fascinating little apartment:
It caught my imagination, perched on top of the building like an abandoned bird nest, with shattered and boarded up windows. The whole place was probably falling apart, maybe even beyond repair, but I wished for a moment that I had the money to fix it up. It seems like it would make such a fantastic little apartment, with so much light and an interesting configuration.

We arrived at Trinity Church, and I was amazed by its beauty.
I don't know much about it so had no expectations, but it was an amazing structure.
It was strange seeing the beautiful architecture of the church against the stark skyscrapers behind it.

I was very surprised to see an oak leaf and acorn border around the front of the church, as oak leaves are a significant pagan symbol throughout history. B commented that everything is a pagan symbol, which is pretty much true, but oak leaves in particular are a strong pagan symbol and as far as I know have nothing to do with the church. I liked seeing them. :)
After Trinity Church, it was back on the T to Fenway Park.
I have only visited Fenway once, back in college, so it was neat to come back.
I loved all of the old elements that were integrated into the park, such as the ticket windows and the vintage posters painted on the walls.
One of the fun things about Fenway is how close you can get to the field:
I'm not at all a sports person, but it was fun to take B to Fenway, and I wanted him to see it since it's famous and awesome!

Thurs, July 7, 2011: "Baahstin", Part 1

2011-07-08T20:55:00.005-06:00

Back in Denver, what feels like 100 years ago, B and I bought tickets to a Red Sox vs. Orioles game so that he could see Fenway (which I happen to think is awesome even with my small love of sports!). We headed up to Boston for the day, planning to cap the evening with some time at the game and a long drive home.

Actually, we originally planned to take the train in to the city, but arrived in Framingham way past the morning rush hour and found ourselves with nowhere to park the car to get on the train. By the time we figured it out, I was feeling anxious about catching the train home (there was a 2 hour wait if we missed the 8pm train, and the next one didn't go out until after 10pm). We ended up just driving to the city, which was way less stressful than I thought!

I felt unwell during the first hour or 2 in the city, and didn't have the heart to take pictures or enjoy the urban scenery around me. I was feeling a bit better by the time we walked to the wharf, and I insisted that we take a walk on a neat looking dock even though we weren't sure if it was open to the public.
This is the reason I wanted to go on the dock:
It was so cool! It looked like a little house boat, a tiny, one-room house boat. I loved it.
The view of the city was pretty from the marina, and it was nice to actually be able to see all of the buildings from a bit of a distance instead of having them hulking over me.
We were near the New England Aquarium, and across the water from us was this old Custom House building transformed into what are probably million dollar waterfront condos.
I haven't been to the aquarium for years, and I loved all the shapes and colors of the sea life there.
There is a large pool in the middle of the aquarium, with sharks, sea turtles, sting rays, and lots of other fish swimming around and around in endless circles.
It was so beautiful watching them move effortlessly in the water, and I felt like I could have watched them all day.
This little guy, in a smaller tank located around the perimeter, seemed to just float through the water without moving a muscle. (He really just moved a lot of tiny muscles, connected to his almost invisible fin along his back).
There were tons of jellyfish... and I loved their beautiful shapes and colors. I loved their constant motion of opening and closing themselves in order to move.
I especially loved the Atlantic Sea Nettles, with their long, slow-moving tendrils of legs. They looked like a light show.

The way that water changes things that move has always fascinated me. As a child, I loved the way that my hair instantly de-tangled and became strangely suspended in our pool. It's such an unexpected feeling to push against water and feel resistance from this clear, harmless substance. Watching things move in water is so beautiful.

Weds, July 6, 2011: Historic Deerfield

2011-07-08T11:55:00.002-06:00

There is a large collection of 1600's and 1700's homes north of where I grew up, located in Deerfield, Massachusetts. Most of the homes are either well-preserved or redone to be as original as possible, and the mile-long stretch of the road makes up historic Deerfield.
The members of these households played a part in the French and Indian War and the Revolutionary War, and it's amazing to me to hear about the history that unfolded in this place. People making decisions, some everyday and some extraordinary... and the sum of those decisions is the world we live in today.
We were waiting to tour the Ashley House for quite some time, and I wondered if perhaps our tour guide was sitting in the house, unaware that we were there. I got up and opened the door...
...and the alarm went off, the sound rebounding off the surrounding homes and sprawling old trees.
We went back to sit meekly under the grapevines, apologetic and laughing at intervals. Apparently the door should have been locked when the tour guide headed off for lunch and wasn't. Hearing the loud whooping alarm sound in that peaceful environment of 400 years ago was a strange anachronism. If there were any ghosts of children there, I think that we amused them with our mischief. :)

Tues, July 5, 2011: Capital Capitol

2011-07-06T15:38:00.006-06:00

B and I headed over to Mark Twain and Harriet Beecher Stowe's homes today, located on the very edge of Hartford, CT. I hadn't visited the Mark Twain house since I was a kid, and had never visited the Harriet Beecher Stowe house. I was sad to learn that photography is not allowed inside of the homes (WTF?!).
I think the thing that struck me the most was the detailed, intricate stenciling all over the interior of the house... mostly because I would love to do something similar around the cove ceiling at B's house. Harriet Beecher Stowe's home was a lot more modest.
There are so many fuzzy little bumble bees out here, and I love them. :)
We hit up Trumbull Kitchen for lunch (YUM!) and my sister was able to visit with us for a bit while she was on her lunch break. B and I headed to Bushnell park and the capitol building, since he seemed mildly intrigued by its gold dome when we spotted it from the highway.
I think my sister said the tower on the left is the Traveler's tower. She's the city lady so she would know!
I love our capitol building. It looks like a giant castle!
Unfortunately, the dome has been closed since the 9-11 incident. The view up to the dome from the floor was so beautiful.
I love the old architectural details out here!
I have never visited Colorado's capitol building but I can't imagine it's this grand:
The day was extremely hot, but I wanted B to see Elizabeth Park, West Hartford's beautiful rose garden, before we headed home. We hung out for a bit in the shade of the gazebo:
... and enjoyed some of the beautiful roses:
The mathematics in an unfolding flower is certainly not something that I can begin to comprehend, but I am able to appreciate the incredible, complex beauty of the patterns just the same.

Sun, July 3, 2011: Newport, Rhode Island

2011-07-04T19:58:00.005-06:00

Visiting America's Stonehenge sparked a conversation about a tower my father saw once on a Discovery Channel program. We talked about the tower in the car, and actually saw a poster talking about it in the America's Stonehenge visitor's center. The tower is located in Newport, Rhode Island, and apparently the windows line up with a stone covered in ancient script that was found somewhere in Minnesota.
There are speculations about the origins of the tower, which makes me wonder if all New England stone structures are of unknown origin and date. I find it interesting that both the Newport Tower and America's Stonehenge are controversial in this regard.
To my very untrained eye, the tower looked more modern than any of the old stone structures that I saw in the southwest, and I wondered if perhaps there was an older structure here that was reinforced at some point, with rocks built around the old structure.
One of the biggest things that I have missed about New England is the mystery. Every bend in a road is a mystery, the forests are mysteries, and just one stately old house probably holds more mystery than the entire state of Colorado. There are hills and valleys, and it's impossible to see much beyond the thick, protective trees.

Newport is an extremely old town, with very well preserved old houses that line up in rows along earth that slopes gently down into the ocean.
We found the Arnold family graveyard, and ran into a monument to Benedict Arnold. We became excited, thinking that perhaps it was THE Benedict Arnold, but a closer look at the dates of his monument indicated that he was around about 100 years too early. A quick bit of research back at home revealed that this was THE Benedict Arnold's great-grandfather.
This flower pattern was repeated in a similar style on several of the family graves, and I wonder if it is a family symbol or part of their family crest. I thought it was beautiful, and it reminded me of flowers that I used to draw in my notebooks when I was supposedly listening to my teachers in school.
We walked down the oldest street in the US to be entirely lit by gas lamps:
... and down to the dock, where we sat for a while and watched the boats.
I found myself drawn to the patterns and textures created in the ocean gently moving below us.
Newport is filled with old mansions, and we decided to take B to one of them since he has never seen them. We visited The Breakers, the home of the Vanderbilt family.
All around the town are massive old trees, and the grounds of the mansion continued the trend. This is an European Purple Beech, my favorite:
The house is extremely ornate and over-the-top, and while it's fun to visit I don't think any of us could imagine living there comfortably.
There is a beautiful large porch on the second floor at the back of the house:
... with a beautiful view of the ocean, which laps right up against the edges of their property. Now THIS I can imagine living with comfortably. :)
I always enjoy coming back to Connecticut and being reminded of how old our civilization is, and how deep our roots go into this land. Perhaps people from other countries would laugh at this notion, since the oldest buildings in New England are nothing compared to the oldest structures in other places in the world. Even compared to some structures I have visited in the southwest they're not that old. Maybe it's just a sense of oldness here, a feeling that this place has history and roots, and that the earth is capable of accepting those roots (which I often feel it is unable to do in Colorado because the land is so hard and rocky).

I love the feeling that the earth here holds secrets, and that we barely know any of them.

Sat, July 2, 2011: America's Stonehenge

2011-07-03T20:45:00.004-06:00

Earlier this week, I spent the day with friends who happened to be in the area, and they mentioned something called America's Stonehenge. I had never heard of it, and was shocked when they explained what it was. An ancient stone monument in New England? Only 2 hours north of where I grew up?

I had to go.

The site was in the woods of southern New Hampshire, and the path to the main stone formations was defined by a long stone wall along either side of the path.
This was my first view of the complex, and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Carbon dating of items found at the site sets the date of its creation at 4,000 years ago. This was much, much older than any of the ruins that I saw in the southwest.
The site was beautiful, located on a giant slab of granite with soft light filtering through the trees. I spent most of my time there just staring in awe at the ruins around me. The creators of the structures were far more advanced than I had ever been taught to believe. School trained me to think that everything in America was backwards and primitive here before the Europeans showed up (and by Europeans they meant Columbus, of course...). Despite having seen a great deal of evidence to the contrary during my trips to the southwest, I haven't encountered this sort of sophisticated culture in the northeast. The large granite slab that formed the foundation of the structures even had drainage channels carved into it by the builders.
I can not, for the life of me, understand how I grew up and lived 2 hours away from this place for 25 years and never heard about it. I don't understand why this isn't a famous national attraction, and why they never taught us about it in school. Even if the carbon dating is off by 3,500 years, this still out-dates the Pilgrims....
The most notable chamber within the complex was the Oracle Chamber, which was large and had an east-west aligned passage (I think the rest of the structures had southern facing chambers).
I loved the growth of grass and ferns on top of the Oracle Chamber's entrance.
There were many small chambers and we wound through them like a maze, seeing something new around every turn.
Outside of the main structures ran miles of stone walls, some of which contained alignment stones for the major astronomical events of the year such as solstice and equinox sunrises and sunsets. (The stones marking these events are lined up to the events as they happened 4,000 years ago, so are slightly off today). This place was, and still is, a massive calendar... and I envied the people who lived there in that their lives moved at such a beautiful pace that time was marked by the movement of the sun toward their marker stones, not by a minute hand or even an hour hand. There is something so beautiful about moving through life to the rhythm of the Earth.
The alignment stones were more triangularly shaped, which made them easy to spot in the middle of the even rock walls.
I am still in awe over this place. Apparently, it's fairly controversial and some people believe that modern farmers created it as a hoax. I wonder if this is just easier to believe than the fact that a wonderfully advanced culture may have existed here before we came over and destroyed them....

Whatever the case, I truly felt that this is a very special place and am honored to have visited.