Tues, Jan 10, 2012: Fox Magic

Last night, B and I broke up.

Just after we made that decision (literally, almost immediately afterwards), a red fox came into sight down the block, in the direction where I was looking.  I stood there for a moment, not believing what I saw, then pointed it out and we both silently watched it trot past.  It turned its head to watch us, then turned as it neared the end of the block and disappeared onto the playground.

In the time I have spent living in that neighborhood, I haven't seen a single fox, ever.

Among the many symbolic meanings of a fox, one is that it signals the patterns of the world are shifting in a beneficial way... that the process of creation is beginning (from Animal Speak by Ted Andrews, one of my favorite resource books!).  A fox is one of my personal totem animals, so I feel pretty connected to this message. 

This morning, I am deeply grateful to the universe for this message and its beautiful timing.

All along, I keep telling myself that everything is ok, that everything will be ok.  Last night, when I saw that fox, I finally believed myself for the first time in a very long time.  I finally *feel* like everything is ok.  And, perhaps more importantly, I remember at many points in my life telling myself that life gets better, always, and someday it will be better than I ever imagined was possible, and I will look back at everything that has happened to me and feel content because it brought me to a joyful place.  Not only did the fox help me to remember this, it also helped me to believe this again.

We have been struggling for so long, I feel like I have been mourning the relationship for a very long time now.  Soon, I know that I will be ready to embrace the happiness that has eluded me lately.  I want it, I deserve it, and it's a gift I feel I am finally ready to start giving myself again.  I hope that I make choices in my life that are in harmony with the desires in my heart, because if I do this I think happiness will be easy to find.

One interesting thing that I have recognized lately is that I think I might finally be ready to be in a relationship.  It's taken a really, really (reeeeeally...) long time, but I think I finally value the people in my life, cooperation, and relationships over solitude and independence.  This doesn't mean that I have plans to start being dependent on everybody. :)  It just means I finally feel like it's *worth* it... and I want it.  Previously, I have usually been fine with being single.  Now, it actually makes me a little sad.  And the fact that it makes me sad makes me feel like perhaps I'm finally ready to not be single.  I look forward to what the universe has in store for me. :)