Friday, March 25, 2011

Fri, Mar 25, 2011: Traveling With The Seasons

As I was falling asleep last night and my mind was in that wandering half-awake, half-asleep state, I had thoughts about what my life would be like if I lived as a wanderer. Where would I go, and when? My thoughts began with New England, and I reflexively thought of autumn and the harvest season. For winter, I would fly south. My mind didn't settle on a particular place, but it would be wonderful to escape the cold every year! Spring brought my thoughts to California: brilliant wildflowers, fresh green grassy hills, and an eternity of ocean. Summer would bring me to Colorado, when the snow on the massive mountains has finally melted enough to make them accessible.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Thurs, Mar 24, 2011: A Case Of The "I Can't Wait"s!

I have a case of the "I can't wait"s! Spring is such a busy and exciting time of year, partly due to the earth waking up after a long winter, partly due to the flow of work at my job,... and partly due to spring break! We have 2 more work days until vacation begins, and B and I are planning a trip to the southwest. I find myself constantly thinking, "I can't wait until __________!" or "I can't wait to _________!". I even finally got a diagnosis for a medical problem that may be a large part of why I haven't been feeling at all like myself lately, and I can't wait until I go to the doctor again to see what will happen! I feel like my life is opening and showing me wonderful possibilities on the horizon. I think moving closer and closer to summer break always has that effect on me. I can't wait to travel!!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Mon, Mar 21, 2011: Oblivious Equinox

Happy first full day of Spring!

I have been trying to get B to attend a metaphysical group with me ever since we began dating a year and a half ago, and I was finally, finally, fiiiinally.... after 18 months of trying.... able to get him to come with me this weekend. I was so happy that he was finally willing to take a step, even a very small step, in my direction.

This weekend, there were two pretty special things going on: the "super moon" (the moon was closer to the earth than normal) and the equinox. I have been looking forward to both of these events with joy and anticipation all month and couldn't wait for them to get here! Just this morning, while seeing my friends' comments about equinox and the moon, I realized with a sinking sense of emptiness that I missed out on both the moon and the equinox. I had completely forgotten about both of them. I floated obliviously through both days without honoring the special things that were going on in the universe around me.

I feel so incredibly disappointed that I let such a special time pass me by. I can't believe that I completely forgot - it's been literally years since I haven't celebrated an equinox or solstice. Why is it that just when I'm finally able to get B to take a tiny step toward me, I am hit in the face with the realization of how negligent I have been of my own spirituality? I have struggled with this throughout my participation in this relationship, and continue to feel that it's a difficult thing to maintain when in a relationship with someone who doesn't share my spiritual philosophies. It was never difficult for me to maintain traditions and celebrate when I lived alone, or even when I dated men who were more open to spirituality. This is the first time I have actually forgotten a holiday, and I'm just so sad about it.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Weds, March 9, 2011: Spring in My Heart

Today my soul is the branch of a tree, with long waiting buds basking in the sunlight warmth of my own bright existence. Unfolding leaves burst from my chest, from my heart, which is glowing with green life and goodness enough to sustain me. All at once, I am strong sun bursting through thick tree leaves, and the leaves basking in its glow, releasing the curled-up tenseness of winter as I reach out and dance into the air.

This morning I felt truly awake and alive without trying, and when I looked inside of myself for the reason why, the above image is what I saw. I feel connected to the universe, grounded, hopeful, and energized. I feel like my head is in my head, and my heart is in my heart, and I'm not sure where they have been for the longest time but I'm so wonderfully happy to welcome them back home. My dreams have returned, and are dancing with the sunbeams and the leaves in my heart.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Sun, March 6, 2011: Frozen Dead Guy Days and Nederland, CO

Every year, the town of Nederland hosts a festival called Frozen Dead Guy Days, in honor of a Norwegian family who froze one of their family members in their backyard shed in hopes of someday reviving him. I was involuntarily holed up in class all day on Saturday, which was when most of the super fun festival activities were scheduled to occur: the Parade of Hearses, the Polar Plunge, and the coffin races. There still seemed to be a good number of things happening on Sunday, so we headed up in the morning to experience what we could!

There were definitely more people than usual walking the streets of downtown Nederland, and we wandered in and out of stores for bit since B has never actually been to Nederland (which I find incredibly odd since he went to college only 30 minutes away). I bought a new kyanite ring at the stone shop on the main street! Not only do I really love kyanite, but it played a key role for me later in the day.

There wasn't much going on for the festival, but it's always enjoyable being in Nederland and it was fun to show B the town and my favorite spots. This place, Buffalo Bill's Coffee & Confections, is a neat store/restaurant made of 4 train cars attached to each other.
We watched a video about the Frozen Dead Guy, about whom I had no real information before watching the movie. In the video, this grave marker was featured:
I have no idea who Red the Cat is or why he was the Legend of First Street, but I'd love to find out! The grave marker was on the lawn right in front of the town hall:
I think that they included it in the video to show that typical rules around deceased beings may not always apply in Nederland. :)

Near the downtown area was this massive steam shovel that I have driven by many times but never stopped to visit.
The sign on the steam shovel said that it was shipped down to Panama at one point to help build the Panama Canal. Other steam shovels like it were scrapped for parts in Panama, but for some reason this one made it back up to the United States, and then up to Nederland.
It's the largest operational steam shovel in the country.
This reminds me of the steam shovel in the Dr. Seuss book, "Are You My Mother?". SNORT!
We poked into a little art gallery, and the woman working there told us about this hand-carved carousel that we should see while we were in town. Apparently it was near Buffalo Bill's, and we didn't even notice it when we were there! We trekked back across town (which was only like 2 blocks) and entered the carousel building.

The man who created the carousel spent either 22 or 25 years (we heard both numbers from different sources) carving all of the animals. What an amazing labor of love! The carousel was so fun and colorful as it passed before me.

This man must have a great sense of humor. :)
The elephant on the left of this picture was my favorite, but I wasn't able to get a picture of it from the side. I love the blue bird perched on the tip of its raised trunk, and the basket balancing on its back that served as the seat.
Here's that sense of humor again. :)
Our last stop was at an alpaca store, which happened to have alpacas out front. My favorite was the baby, I've never seen one before! Aww!
We left town and headed up toward a ghost town named Caribou, figuring we could stop by while we were in the area. We wound up, up through a canyon and ended up facing a transition in the road between plowed and unplowed, so had to turn around. When we were out of town and heading down the canyon toward Boulder, B shared that he had experienced a "weird, oppressive, invasive, nauseating, purple/dark gray oiley" feeling in the canyon. He was still pretty weirded out even though we were out of the canyon and back in the open, and ended up shaking himself all over to "shake off" the feeling. The presence of the reservoir next to the road seemed to help calm him, as did his conscious efforts to put that feeling out of him, but I was just kind of confused by his sharing this. Why hadn't I felt anything in the canyon? I had felt sort of an oppressive or heavy feeling just in the shape of the land itself, since we were in a narrow area with tall walls all around us, but I definitely didn't experience any sense of being invaded as he described.

It's strange to be with someone who had an intense reaction to a place and not have experienced one myself. For me, it makes me feel like I missed something - but not that day. I felt the energy of the kyanite on my finger washing all over me, and realized that some property of the stone had protected me from whatever B experienced. I felt calm and peaceful and kind of "glowy" - like the edges of my aura were pulsing a little bit. Did I mention how much I love kyanite? :)

I may head up to Caribou when the snow has melted on my own, since B had such a bad reaction to the place. But if he's willing to give it a try again, I offered him a piece of kyanite or black tourmaline to bring with him. I think this is one of the most profound experiences that I've had with a gemstone's transformational powers, and I felt honored to have such a wonderful stone working with me.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Thurs, March 3, 2011: Shatter

This is an incredibly busy time of year for me, and I feel like I'm busier this year than I have been in years past.

Lately, I am made up of a hundred thousand shards of crystal that are held together as a solid being by a gravity generator in my core fueled on sheer will power and stubbornness. It's hard work actively holding everything together all the time, and I can only imagine the tremendous mess that would result if I stopped feeding the generator. Some moments I feel victorious and strong, and some moments I feel as if I'm on the verge of shattering, unable to satiate the hungry force that keeps me whole.

When I am experiencing a moment of feeling especially overwhelmed, I sometimes am presented with the visual of myself letting go, the hundreds of thousands of pieces of me flying around the room in brilliant motion, glinting off sunlight and casting hundreds of miniature segments of rainbows. I imagine the blissful freedom of not having to fuel the gravity inside of me, and the peace of existing in a state without struggle. To just be sounds like heaven to me.