Monday, January 18, 2010

Sun, Jan 16, 2010: Kenosha Pass Snowshoeing

After realizing how little time I've spent traveling in the past couple of months (with the notable exception of a 9-day trip back to Connecticut for Christmas...), I decided that I was going on a trip this weekend, with or without my boyfriend. I was happy when he agreed to accompany me, and we decided to go for a snowshoeing trip on the Colorado Trail at Kenosha Pass. The trail is so well traveled, even in the winter, that the snow was packed and I decided not to bother with my snowshoes.

The trail winds first through an area of aspens, then through rows of dense, dark pines, eventually opening up after about 1 or 1 1/2 miles into a beautiful field with views of snowy peaks:
This is the view looking up the hill. I love the beautiful light golden color of Colorado grass in the winter:
Looking south to the South Park area:
Tangled families of aspens rooted on the hillside:
The lower portions of the trunks look beat up because elk rip the bark off and eat it during the winter:
I find that I am much stronger when I am alone, as opposed to when in a relationship. It's easy to be a little more weak, ask someone else for help, or give up a little bit when there's someone around to help you. I always have confidence that the person I'm with won't let me fall.
When I'm single, I live in fear of letting my strength slip up, even for a minute. That strength is what keeps me moving forward, and I often wonder if the universe would actually catch me. It's been my experience that sometimes it does cushion my fall, but others it drops me pretty hard. I think a challenge for me right now is maintaining some of that strength while I'm in a relationship - my independence and freedom, my crazy little road trips, and my passion for exploration.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Tues, Jan 12, 2010: Absentee No More

Good morning. :) Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted anything here. On Thanksgiving, there was some pretty amusing drama between one of my close male friends, a friend I went to high school with, and me. It ended with my male friend and me dating, which is why I've been absent for so long: I'm in the la-la land of a new relationship. My weekends have been spent mostly at his place, and I have literally not taken a road trip for about a month and a half.

That scares me.

I think that the beginning of this relationship also coincides with my recent realization that I've sort of "done" the road trips that I feel can be done within a reasonable distance from where I live (and even some that were unreasonable!). Trips that I want to make at this point are in southwest Colorado and beyond, into other states entirely. My friend, who adventures in a motor home around the country with her daughter and husband, suggested that I should get myself a motor home too so that I can change my radius of travel whenever it pleases me. This idea sounds amazing, but I have no idea where I would get the money to do such a thing.

I'm sort of at this bizarre crossroads right now. My boyfriend is pretty well settled in Colorado with his family, friends, and house out here. And then there's me, who's not even really sold on staying in this state in the immediate future, let alone in the distant future. While I love my friends, my job, and this beautiful state, my passion to travel washes over me in painful waves with great frequency - painful because they're so unfulfilled. This desire takes me far beyond Colorado to other continents, tiny islands, massive forests, and sharp mountain peaks. It takes me to the most turquoise tropical oceans, to rolling green grassy hills, to red rock deserts. I want to fly high and bury myself neck-deep in the sand at the same time.

Sometimes I still wonder about the blond angel-elemental whom I was told I would meet this past summer. The strangest thing about that situation was that I was given the same information by several very different sources, all around the same time period. I think about being suddenly released from my Colorado responsibilities at the beginning of the summer, and all the thought I put into possibly moving to the Seattle area. I think that will always be a "what if" of my life.

It feels like it's been a really long time since I've gone somewhere and listened. I have something new and special to explore, but I want to make sure that I don't lose myself and my spirit in the process. My hope is that this relationship will facilitate the growth of both of our souls, guiding us to our souls' purposes and bringing joy into our lives. My greatest fear is becoming tamed, civilized, and doomed to live like a "normal" person.